National News
ADF Commits to $4 Million Spend On Milk Crates And Shopping Trolleys
The Australian Defence Force (ADF) is dramatically increasing its arsenal of milk crates and shopping trolleys. "Today we're announcing a $4 million purchase of these items, which have recently both proved crucial in thwarting terrorist activity in Australia," says Defence...
#BREAKING: Bill Shorten Attempts To Egg Scott Morrison
Less than 48 hours after conceding defeat, Bill Shorten has tried taking his frustration out on the reigning Prime Minister. At a fundraising event in Canberra a short time ago, photographers captured the former Labor leader hurling an egg at...
Nobody Cares About Royal Baby Except News Media: Report
A groundbreaking new report has shown that nobody cares about the royal baby, except parts of the traditional news media. While tabloid and broadsheet news outlets obsess over every last detail of the birth, researchers at Sydney University have found...
Canberra Installs Stripper Pole Within Parliament House To Avoid Public Scrutiny
The Prime Minister has announced a new initiative aimed at putting an end to Australian politicians getting caught out at strip clubs. "We've decided to bring it all in-house," says Scott Morrison. "Installing a stripper pole within Parliament will allow...
Director Of Clive Palmer’s TV Ads Poached To Make Ads For Lowes Menswear
The brains behind the iconically Australian Clive Palmer election campaign TV commercials is preparing for the next phase of his career. Director Dave Silbury has been handpicked to make the next TV commercial for Lowe’s Menswear. “This is a massive...
Fraser Anning Concedes ‘Australia Not Quite As Racist As I First Thought’
Independent Senator Fraser Anning has admitted that he's misjudged Australia's attitude toward foreigners and minority groups. "My entire platform was built on racism," he says. "I thought that's what Australian voters were demanding from their political leaders." But after being censured...
Bill Shorten Attempts To Achieve Popularity Of NZ PM Jacinda Ardern
Labor leader Bill Shorten has today fronted a press conference outside parliament house in Canberra wearing an abaya, which is a full length version of a hijab. It comes almost two weeks after New Zealand's Prime Minister won international praise for her response...
‘When I Asked Him To Visit The NRA, I Meant The National Retailers Association:’ Hanson
"It's all a big misunderstanding," she claims. Leaders of One Nation are in damage control after revelations senior party figure James Ashby sought millions of dollars from America's National Rifle Association to weaken Australia’s gun laws. "It's all a misunderstanding,"...
MAFS Experts To Start New Reality TV Show: ‘Partner Swap’
Channel Nine has announced a brand new reality TV show to replace Married At First Sight. In 'Partner Swap' ten real life couples will try to cheat on each other without their partners finding out. "We're delighted to be back...
Gladys Spotted Leaving Star City Casino With Mike Baird At 6am This Morning
The Premier and her Liberal Party faithful have partied well into the early hours of this morning after their election victory last night. Double Bay Today was on hand to capture Gladys Berejiklian leaving Star City Casino at 6am this...
