National News
Melbourne Man Stuck O/S Starts Intensive Tennis Lessons To Qualify For Next Year’s Australian Open
A Melbourne born man whose been stranded in London since March has hired the coach of British tennis star Andy Murray, in a desperate bid to qualify for the 2022 Australian Open. "It could be my only way into Australia,"...
Calls For Novak Djokovic To Be Kept In Hotel Quarantine On A Permanent Basis
There are growing calls today for world number 1 tennis player Novak Djokovic to remain in lockdown on a permanent basis. It comes as 72 players remain in hotel quarantine after they flew into Melbourne for the Australian Open with...
#BREAKING: Donald Trump Joins The One Nation Political Party
Voted out of office, abandoned by his own party and impeached twice, the outgoing US President is being handed a much needed political lifeline today. Donald Trump is heading down under after being unveiled as the One Nation party's newest...
Local Angry White Boomer Offended By Coon Cheese Rebrand
A local Anglo Saxon baby boomer is today expressing his disgust over the rebrand of a cheese he's never eaten. It remains unclear exactly how Harry McCormack could get so riled up about the name change, but he's spent a...
WA Premier Announces Mandatory 14-Day Quarantine For All Newborn Babies
Western Australia's Premier has announced a controversial new social distancing measure, effectively separating mother and baby at birth. "From next Tuesday, all new arrivals into WA will have to quarantine for 2 weeks," says Mark McGowan. "If they test negative...
‘Banning Trump Is Censorship,’ Says Government Which Tried Stopping ABC Reporting War Crimes
The Federal government is attacking Twitter over censorship claims, despite Canberra's draconian move last year to censor the ABC from reporting war crimes by Australian soldiers. "Generally speaking, I'm not a fan of censorship, but it's OK when the Federal...
Bored Woman Posts Photo Of Drink To Leave Impression She’s Having Fun
A Sydney woman has taken to Instagram while waiting alone for her friends to arrive at the Watsons Bay Hotel. Jen Bradford snapped a photo of her champagne, then posted it with the caption; “Out having fun with my ladieees."...
Investigators Combing TV Footage Reveal Pauline Hanson Among Alleged Cricket Racists
NSW Police combing through footage of yesterday's SCG crowd have revealed One Nation Leader Pauline Hanson among a group of alleged drunk racists. "Ms Hanson can be seen attempting to hide behind a face mask," says Inspector Warren Leachy. "We...
Donald Trump Adds Pete Evans As Friend On MySpace
Former celebrity chef Pete Evans says he's "overwhelmed and excited" after the outgoing US President added him as a friend on MySpace. Alongside Donald Trump's friend request, came a message which Evans shared exclusively with DBT. "Hi Pete, the world...
#BREAKING: Trump Offers To Go To Jail, If He Can Have His Twitter Account Back
The US President is today desperately trying to have his Twitter account reactivated. A short time ago he told a White House press conference that he's looking to strike a deal between US lawmakers and Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey. "I've...
