National News

Man applies to go on Australian Ninja Warrior, after managing to avoid all the food delivery riders on Darlinghurst Rd

URBAN NINJA: In a stunning display of agility, balance and sharp reflexes, a Sydney pedestrian has defied all odds by not getting hit by a food delivery rider last night. The impressive feat happened at around 7.15pm on Darlinghurst Road...
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Man who relies on work for social activity, relieved his colleagues are being forced back into the office

WORKMATES: A Sydney man with no friends outside of his job is celebrating his employer's return to the office policy. "Finally, someone to talk to face to face!" says Geoff Tanner, whose social life consists entirely of forced small talk...
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Colleagues in same colour blazers use the ‘coincidence’ as flimsy excuse to post a selfie

TWINNING: A pair of Sydney office workers are once again digging deep for reasons to post photos of themselves to Instagram. The colleagues both wore red blazers to work, claiming it was a coincidence. "Suddenly they got up from their...
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“Never give strangers your phone number,” says mum who shares home address on FB marketplace

SECURITY FLAW: A Sydney mum is dishing out some contradictory security advice to her teenage daughters. "Never give strangers your phone number," says mother Heather Stanley. "And always make your instagram account private." "If you don't, creepy men might follow...
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Sydney man in Bali complaining about how many Sydney people are in Bali right now

PEAK SEASON: A local man says his holiday to the Indonesian tourist hot spot Bali is being overrun by 'absolute blow-ins' from down under. "I'm so sick of all these muppets," says Steve Robson. "They all come here to experience...
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Mother spends $45k on son’s b’day party, in desperate bid to make up for her own non-existent social life

TIME TO SHINE: A Rose Bay woman is accused of hijacking her own 4 year old son's birthday, as a thinly veiled excuse to gain credibility among her local community. Irene Hudson pulled out all stops, hosting an extravagant $45,000...
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‘You left the toilet seat up!’ yells woman who left entire bathroom looking like a war zone

BATHROOM BATTLEFIELD: A local woman is being accused of having double standards after lashing out at her boyfriend for allegedly leaving the toilet seat up. Amid her rage, Kate Garrick strategically ignored the fact that she'd left the bathroom resembling...
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‘Rupert dumped me because I couldn’t keep up with him in bed,’ reports Murdoch press

STAYING POWER: It was Rupert Murdoch's insatiable energy and sexual prowess that led to him dumping his latest fiance, according to News Corp media outlets. "Rupert is so good looking and I'm very sexually attracted to him," Ann Lesley Smith,...
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#BREAKING: ‘The North Face’ announced as official sponsor of The Australian Labor Party

UNEXPECTED ALLIANCE: The Australian Labor Party has today announced an unprecedented sponsorship deal with outdoor clothing and gear brand The North Face. "We're really excited to have the backing of such a well-known brand," says NSW Premier Chris Minns, who...
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‘Are we still on for tonight?’ texts man desperately hoping to cancel

CANCEL CULTURE: A local man resorted to deceptive and manipulative text message tactics yesterday, in a desperate bid to cancel an arrangement with a friend. "I was tired and hungover from the night before and really just wanted to stay...
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