National News

FrEEdumB FiGhTEr: Appearances can be deceiving. Just asked Melbourne hairdresser Lyle Gray. Today the 31 year old salon worker was spotted buying a hi-vis vest from his local $2 shop so he could pose as a construction worker. "I'm on my...
NEW DIRECTION: Christian Porter and Andrew Laming have announced a bold new plan to revive their political careers. They've formed a new independent party called White Males United. (WMU) "We're confident about attracting strong voter support from white Australian males," says...
The federal industry and science minister Christian Porter has just been announced as the Sunrise Cash Cow winner for Thursday, netting a $40,000 jackpot. Mr Porter was reportedly at home this morning watching Sunrise when he answered his phone within...
STATE OF ORIGIN: Annastacia Palaszczuk says being Queensland's Premier shouldn't prevent her from fronting NSW's covid press briefings, if Gladys Berejiklian isn't willing to. "Gladys has done a runner on the people of New South Wales," says Ms Palaszczuk. "They...
Fitness First has opened its first outdoor gym set up in Sydney's Rushcutters Bay park. "We're excited to parter with the City Of Sydney council to offer the extensive weights and cardio facility in open parkland," says Fitness First CEO...

Report: Nobody Is OK

NOT OK: It's the annual day when people are urged to ask 'R U OK?' to help start a conversation that might make a difference in someone's life. But organisers of 'R U OK? Day' say there's been a dramatic...
THIRSTY WORK: A Sydney man who's spent 95% of lockdown pissed at home says he can't wait to go to the pub for a beer. "That very first sip is going to be so good," says Flynn Ryan, despite having...
Federal cabinet has signed off on new laws allowing the Prime Minister to do lines of cocaine with Nadia Bartel during lockdown. "Being Prime Minister during a pandemic is a very stressful job," says Scott Morrison. "I need some relief." The...
INFLUENCER MARKETING: Discount retailer Kmart is experiencing a wave of "unprecedented demand" for its 'Grey Glazed Side Plates.' It comes after a video leaked online of Melbourne influencer Nadia Bartel using one of the plates to do lines off. "When I...
Melbourne influencer Nadia Bartel has made headlines after a video leaked online of her snorting white powder. But many have been distracted by something else in the clip. "She's doing the line off a plate which you can buy from Kmart...

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