National News

Disgraced Cardinal George Pell has made a formal request to the High Court to be transferred to juvenile detention. "This is a safety issue," claims Pell's legal team. "Our client says he would feel more comfortable around young offenders." It comes...
As bushfires ravage parts of NSW and QLD, the Prime Minister conducted a special prayer service on behalf of the coal mining industry. Scott Morrison led an early morning service at the Horizon Pentecostal Christian Church in the Sutherland Shire. "God,...
The television industry is in shock today after Channel Nine announced that Paul 'Fatty' Vautin will be the Today show's new host alongside Allison Langdon. "We are very excited to have Fatty back on air at Channel Nine," says Nine...
Supermarket giant Coles has made a brave and controversial announcement, effectively separating its customers on the basis of age. The retailer has announced a trial of separate self-checkout areas for shoppers aged 60 years and over. "Our research shows many older...
It's among the most commonly used phrases in the English language, but its real meaning remains shrouded in mystery. The term 'be there in 5' has rapidly gained popularity as time pressed mobile users text friends with an estimated time...
Doctors say Michael Cheika's cauliflower ears are preventing him from hearing the growing calls for him to step down as Wallabies Coach. The former lock developed a severe case of cauliflower ears during the 90's while playing for Randwick and...
Swedish climate change activist Greta Thunberg has announced she's dating Australia's Will Connolly, also known as Egg Boy. The high profile activists say they've been an exclusive couple for the last three months, but only went public with the relationship...
The Canberra Raiders' loss to the Sydney Roosters in last night's NRL grand final has helped trigger a thick blanket of smoke hanging above the ACT. "We're seeing very smokey conditions around Canberra today, and potential remains for another smokey...

Apology

Double Bay Today would like to apologise for our recent article: '#BREAKING: Shane Warne Becomes First Australian Arrested Under Bali Sex Ban' We would like to confirm there is no truth to the story, which was intended as satire only. We...
A furious Greta Thunberg has lashed out at the Australian PM, amid reports he shat himself at Engadine McDonalds in 1997. "How dare you?" yelled the Swedish activist. "How does someone shit inside McDonalds, and then go on to become...

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