National News

REPORT: Nobody Is OK

NOT OK: It's the annual day when people are urged to ask 'R U OK?' to help start a conversation that might make a difference in someone's life. But a new report reveals that nobody is ok. "It seems we've...
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McDonald’s, The Reject Shop & Donut King arrive on Queen Street as Woollahra braces for 9,400 new homes and a train station

DOWN MARKET: The quaint village atmosphere of Queen Street Woollahra has been completely destroyed with the unveiling of three major retail chains. McDonald’s, The Reject Shop and Donut King opened for business this morning, triggering locals. "There goes Woollahra, thanks...
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#BREAKING: Mushroom killer Erin Patterson escapes from jail after completing her course of taxpayer-funded Ozempic

ON THE RUN: The Victorian government's decision to give Erin Patterson Ozempic in jail has backfired. A manhunt is now underway after the triple murderer became thin enough to escape by squeezing between the bars of her cell. CCTV shows...
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Mosman mum restricts balloons and streamers at daughter’s 7th birthday to colours that match the home décor

EARTHY TONES: A Mosman mother is defending her decision to limit the decorations at her daughter’s seventh birthday party to a carefully approved palette of beige, ivory and “warm stone.” “Why should Arabella's birthday disrupt the visual tranquility of my...
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Netflix announces internal investigation into who thought a documentary about Raygun was a good idea

BREAKING POINT: Netflix has launched an urgent internal investigation to determine who approved a documentary about Australian breakdancer Raygun. Senior executives are reportedly combing through emails, meeting notes and Slack messages in an attempt to establish how the project made...
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City2Surf runner defeated by Heartbreak Hill, despite $300 neon Hokas, latest Alo activewear and a full face of Mecca makeup

ALL THE GEAR: A Sydney woman's 2026 City2Surf campaign has come to an abrupt end after Heartbreak Hill proved too much. Witnesses say Genevieve Ashworth-Pine looked extremely confident at the start of the race, having spent most of Saturday evening...
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#BREAKING: Jetstar announces $12 armrest access fee, with both armrests available for just $18

PAY PER ARMREST: Jetstar has announced a new armrest pricing structure as part of its commitment to offering passengers greater choice. The move comes after the budget airline revealed passengers will soon need to pay to store luggage in overhead...
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Anthony Albanese phones Spain’s PM, offering to bring some of the migrants from Morocco to Australia

STRATEGIC INTAKE: Australia's Prime Minister contacted his Spanish counterpart Pedro Sánchez a short time ago, offering to bring some of the Moroccan migrants flooding in Ceuta to Australia. “We’re a compassionate country,” Anthony Albanese explained. “Particularly in electorates with a...
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Sydney executive wears sweaty lycra to 9.30am boardroom meeting in case colleagues didn’t know he’s a cyclist

TOUR DE FINANCE: A Sydney banking executive shocked his colleagues this morning, arriving for their daily meeting dressed head to toe in expensive lycra cycling gear. Colleagues say Mark Schumer-Maxon spent the first 10 minutes of the meeting checking his...
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Australian media still severely overestimating how much people care about who hosts the Today show

OLD MEDIA: Australia’s major news outlets have entered their third straight week of assuming the public is emotionally invested in who hosts the Today show. Editors around the country have agreed wars, economic turmoil and international diplomacy are "unlikely to...
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