National News

Opposition Leader Discovers Fashion Sense Just In Time For The Election

VOTE OF APPROVAL: With a federal election fast approaching, the leader of the Labor party leader has staged a dramatic physical transformation. In a photoshoot for the Australian Women's Weekly, Anthony Albanese has unveiled his new look, including tight chinos,...
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Telstra Technician Tells Customer He’ll Arrive ‘Sometime Between March And June’

TIMELY SERVICE: Telstra technician Jason Branson has given himself a four month window to arrive at a client's home to install a modem. Mother of two Monica Dale ordered the modem three weeks ago and last night was finally notified...
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Scott Morrison Hires ‘The Tinder Swindler’ For Advice On How To Appeal To Women

WHAT WOMEN WANT: Australia's Prime Minister has engaged the services of β€˜The Tinder Swindler’ Simon Leviev to help tap into the female psyche ahead of the federal election. "You just have to tell them what they want to hear,” says...
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PM Punches A Bong After Focus Groups Show Overwhelming Support For Grace Tame

WAKE N BAKE: The Prime Minister has punched a bong early this morning during a press conference at Parliament House in Canberra. "That didn't even touch the sides," Scott Morrison told reporters immediately after exhaling. "I'll be keen for another...
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PM Launches Helpline For People Who Share Their Wordle Results On Social Media

INTERVENTION: The popular online puzzle game Wordle is capturing the attention of Australia's Prime Minister. Scott Morrison is today expressing 'grave concern' for people who share their Wordle results to social media. "I have no problem with those who play...
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“Young People Get So Easily Offended These Days,” Says Boomer Offended By Grace Tame

OFF POINT: A Sydney boomer has taken exception with Grace Tame's National Press Club address yesterday. "Honestly I'm getting so sick of this girl," Paul Partridge shouted at his TV. "She's not Australian of The Year anymore. It's time she...
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PM Phones Jenny, After Being Asked About The Price Of Bread On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire

LIFELINE: The Prime Minister has once again called upon his wife Jenny for help. Appearing on the Nine Network's game show Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, Scott Morrison was faced with the tricky question: 'How much does a loaf...
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PM Has Photo Taken With Ash Barty Immediately After Her Big Win, To Ensure She’s Still Smiling

PHOTO OPPORTUNITY: Australia's Prime Minister has leapt into action tonight, moments after Ash Barty won the Australian Open. Scott Morrison asked the 25 year old for a photo, as she made her way into the players' change rooms at Rod...
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New Photo Captures The Moment Grace Tame Was Told The PM Shat Himself At Engadine Maccas

FULL STORY: A DBT photographer has captured the moment Grace Tame found out about an unsavory 1997 incident involving Scott Morrison. "Don't shake his hand," an onlooker warned Grace Tame as she approached the PM today. "He accidentally shat his...
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#BREAKING: Scott Morrison Remains Completely Unaware He’s Hated By Grace Tame

NOT TAME: A photo has captured a tense moment with the Prime Minister and 2021 Australian of the Year Grace Tame. The 27-year-old advocate for survivors of sexual assault completely barred Scott Morrison with some heavy daggar eyes at The...
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