National News

Melbourne Tradie Claims Earthquake Was A ‘Hoax’ Aimed At Forcing Protestors Off The Streets

FAKE QUAKE: A Melbourne scaffolding worker has labelled yesterday's 5.8 magnitude earthquake a "geo conspiracy." "The Victorian government planted explosives in a few parts of the city to make it seem like there was an earthquake." says Joe Nalane. "It...
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Melbourne Plummets Down Rankings Of ‘World’s Most Liveable Cities’

Melbourne regularly features in the annual top ten 'world's most liveable cities,' but the events of the last few months have triggered a rapid slide. "Melbourne has unfortunately dropped to the 187th most liveable city for 2012," says Dan Brasich...
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Victorian Government Now Offering Pfizer In Powder Form To Encourage Tradies To Get Vaccinated

FULL STORY: The Victorian government is taking drastic action to help prevent construction workers protesting mandatory covid vaccinations. "We've been working with drug manufacturer Pfizer to make the vaccine available in powder form," says Premier Dan Andrews. "Tradies appear more...
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Melbourne Hairdresser Spotted Buying Hi-Vis Vest From $2 Shop To Take Part In Tradie Protest

FrEEdumB FiGhTEr: Appearances can be deceiving. Just asked Melbourne hairdresser Lyle Gray. Today the 31 year old salon worker was spotted buying a hi-vis vest from his local $2 shop so he could pose as a construction worker. "I'm on...
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Christian Porter Teams Up With Andrew Laming To Form ‘White Males United’ Party

NEW DIRECTION: Christian Porter and Andrew Laming have announced a bold new plan to revive their political careers. They've formed a new independent party called White Males United. (WMU) "We're confident about attracting strong voter support from white Australian males,"...
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#BREAKING: Christian Porter Wins Sunrise Cash Cow

The federal industry and science minister Christian Porter has just been announced as the Sunrise Cash Cow winner for Thursday, netting a $40,000 jackpot. Mr Porter was reportedly at home this morning watching Sunrise when he answered his phone within...
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#BREAKING: Annastacia Palaszczuk Offers To Take Over NSW’s 11am Covid Press Conference

STATE OF ORIGIN: Annastacia Palaszczuk says being Queensland's Premier shouldn't prevent her from fronting NSW's covid press briefings, if Gladys Berejiklian isn't willing to. "Gladys has done a runner on the people of New South Wales," says Ms Palaszczuk. "They...
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Adapt Or Die: Fitness First Launches Outdoor Demountable Gym At Rushcutters Bay Park

Fitness First has opened its first outdoor gym set up in Sydney's Rushcutters Bay park. "We're excited to parter with the City Of Sydney council to offer the extensive weights and cardio facility in open parkland," says Fitness First CEO...
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“I’m Dying For A Beer At The Pub,” Says Man Who’s Been Drunk At Home For The Last 6 Weeks

THIRSTY WORK: A Sydney man who's spent 95% of lockdown pissed at home says he can't wait to go to the pub for a beer. "That very first sip is going to be so good," says Flynn Ryan, despite having...
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Special Exemption: New Rules Allow The PM To Do Lines Of Coke With Nadia Bartel

Federal cabinet has signed off on new laws allowing the Prime Minister to do lines of cocaine with Nadia Bartel during lockdown. "Being Prime Minister during a pandemic is a very stressful job," says Scott Morrison. "I need some relief."...
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