National News

“Yes, we won!” shouts former private school boy who used to bash anyone who played soccer

CHANGE OF HEART: The 1998 captain of the Scots College 1st XV Rugby team is today jumping on the soccer bandwagon after the Socceroos World Cup victory against Denmark. "How good are the Socceroos!?" shouted Miles McKenzie, in the early...
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QATAR BEER BAN: Sober England Fan Finally Realises That Watching Soccer Is ‘Very Fucking Boring’

SOBER TRUTH: It's taken a 5-thousand kilometre trip to Qatar for one English soccer fanatic to discover the shocking truth about the game he loves. "It's actually really fucking boring to watch, unless you're very pissed," admits Simon Millard who...
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Network TEN To Host Daily 11am Press Conference On Who Is Leaving The Project

MEDIA OBSESSION: As media interest in hosting changes at The Project continues to grow, Network TEN has announced it'll host a daily press conference on the topic. "As of Tuesday at 8pm, we have three new cases of hosts quitting...
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Crypto Crash Forces Bitcoin Heavyweight Back To His Old Job Selling Real Estate And MDMA

ALL TIME LOW: Continuing heavy falls in crypto prices has led one Sydney man back to his previous employment as a real estate agent. "I'm also selling MDMA as a side hustle." Nathan Bloom told DBT. "It's a great time...
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People Who Text; ‘I’ll Be There In 5 Mins’ Arrive On Average 1.5 Hours Later: Report

NOT SATIRE: It's among the most commonly used phrases in the English language, but its real meaning remains shrouded in mystery. The term 'I'll be there in 5 mins' has rapidly gained popularity as time pressed mobile users text friends...
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Millions Quit Twitter, Leaving The Only Remaining Users As Elon Musk, Donald Trump & Pete Evans

LAST MEN STANDING: Elon Musk's purchase of Twitter was aimed at "restoring free speech" on the social media network. However analysts say Twitter has fast become a cesspool of extremist ideas and right-wing propaganda. "More than 200 million users have...
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Local Woman Who Spent $5k On Prada Bag, Still Bitter About Having To Pay 15c For A Coles Bag

CHECKED OUT: A Sydney woman who recently splashed out $5k on a handbag is still protesting increased costs at the supermarket checkout, after forgetting to bring a reusable bag. "Coles and Woolworths are highly profitable businesses," says Tanya Fazekas. "They...
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Bikie Boss Forced To Resign Over Undisclosed Relationship With A Politician

END OF THE ROAD: A prominent bikie boss is being accused of dropping his moral standards after it was revealed he 'secretly dated' Greens deputy leader Lidia Thorpe. Dean Martin's 25 year association with the Rebels outlaw motorcycle gang has...
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STARTER PACK: How To Be A Real Estate Agent On Luxe Listings Sydney

HOT PROPERTY: It's the long-term goal of every real estate agent and buyer's agent around the country: to be featured on Prime Video's Luxe Listings Sydney. Four of Sydney's most esteemed agents - Gavin Rubinstein, Simon Cohen, D'Leanne Lewis and...
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Discount Retailer Kmart Releases ‘Influencer’ Costume Set For Halloween

PUBLIC FIGURE: With one month till Halloween, discount retailer Kmart has expanded its costume range so shoppers can dress up as influencers. "It's a great way for our consumers to feel cool," says Kmart's Kyle Marks. "We interviewed thousands of...
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