National News
“Great To Be Back In The Office So We Can Collaborate,” Writes Boss In Email Sent From 5 Metres Away
DBT YEAR IN REVIEW: MARCH 1 OFFICE POLITICS: The boss of a small accounting firm where all work can easily be done remotely has sent an email welcoming staff back into the office. "I've missed being in the same room...
Influencer To Donate $100 To Flood Victims, For Every 1k New Instagram Followers She Receives
HERE TO HELP: A Sydney influencer is attempting to raise money for Queensland flood victims in exchange for new Instagram followers. Amber Forster says she was struck by the intensity of the floods crisis while watching a TV news update...
Opposition Leader Discovers Fashion Sense Just In Time For The Election
VOTE OF APPROVAL: With a federal election fast approaching, the leader of the Labor party leader has staged a dramatic physical transformation. In a photoshoot for the Australian Women's Weekly, Anthony Albanese has unveiled his new look, including tight chinos,...
Telstra Technician Tells Customer He’ll Arrive ‘Sometime Between March And June’
TIMELY SERVICE: Telstra technician Jason Branson has given himself a four month window to arrive at a client's home to install a modem. Mother of two Monica Dale ordered the modem three weeks ago and last night was finally notified...
Scott Morrison Hires ‘The Tinder Swindler’ For Advice On How To Appeal To Women
WHAT WOMEN WANT: Australia's Prime Minister has engaged the services of ‘The Tinder Swindler’ Simon Leviev to help tap into the female psyche ahead of the federal election. "You just have to tell them what they want to hear,” says...
PM Punches A Bong After Focus Groups Show Overwhelming Support For Grace Tame
WAKE N BAKE: The Prime Minister has punched a bong early this morning during a press conference at Parliament House in Canberra. "That didn't even touch the sides," Scott Morrison told reporters immediately after exhaling. "I'll be keen for another...
PM Launches Helpline For People Who Share Their Wordle Results On Social Media
INTERVENTION: The popular online puzzle game Wordle is capturing the attention of Australia's Prime Minister. Scott Morrison is today expressing 'grave concern' for people who share their Wordle results to social media. "I have no problem with those who play...
“Young People Get So Easily Offended These Days,” Says Boomer Offended By Grace Tame
OFF POINT: A Sydney boomer has taken exception with Grace Tame's National Press Club address yesterday. "Honestly I'm getting so sick of this girl," Paul Partridge shouted at his TV. "She's not Australian of The Year anymore. It's time she...
PM Phones Jenny, After Being Asked About The Price Of Bread On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
LIFELINE: The Prime Minister has once again called upon his wife Jenny for help. Appearing on the Nine Network's game show Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, Scott Morrison was faced with the tricky question: 'How much does a loaf...
PM Has Photo Taken With Ash Barty Immediately After Her Big Win, To Ensure She’s Still Smiling
PHOTO OPPORTUNITY: Australia's Prime Minister has leapt into action tonight, moments after Ash Barty won the Australian Open. Scott Morrison asked the 25 year old for a photo, as she made her way into the players' change rooms at Rod...
