National News

Sydney Man Who’s Never Played Contact Sport Now Referring To The NSW Blues As “We”

A Sydney man who only played tennis and chess at school is today referring to the NSW Origin team first as "we." "We absolutely smashed them last night," says Jason Dunn, while dressed head to toe in Blues merchandise. "How...
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Palaszczuk Cancels State Of Origin Series, As Queensland Records New Covid Case

The 2021 State of Origin series has come to an abrupt end, after Queensland recorded a new case of Covid-19. "We've been left with no other option but to withdraw from the series," says the Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk. It...
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Career Lifeline: Israel Folau Given Contract At Sydney Convicts Gay Rugby Union Team

Controversial cross code footballer Israel Folau has been handed a much needed career lifeline. The 32 year old has accepted an offer to play with the gay and inclusive Rugby Union team the Sydney Convicts. "It's not quite like playing...
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Elon Musk Predicts Tweeting About Crypto Will Get Him Attention For “At Least Another 18 Months”

The world's second richest person says he'll continue tweeting about Cryptocurrencies for "at least another eighteen months." "There's still a bit of upside left in the crypto market," says Elon Musk. "But soon I'll have to start tweeting about other...
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Local Pet Owner Accused Of Prioritising Her Dog’s Instagram Account, Over The Actual Dog

A Sydney woman is accused of neglecting her 2 year old Boston Terrier in favour of the dog's Instagram account. It's alleged Alexandra Weir is dressing up her dog, Bobbie, in elaborate costumes, taking copious amounts of photos and then...
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Christian Porter Applauds Jail Sentence Handed Down Against Jarryd Hayne

The federal Minister for Industry, Science and Technology has spoken out about the lengthy jail sentence handed to NRL player Jarryd Hayne. "I know I'm not the attorney-general anymore," says Christian Porter. "However I still believe it's appropriate for me...
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Man’s Entire ‘Business’ Revealed As Just Him Posting Selfie Videos To Social Media

A Sydney man is accused of posting excessive selfie photos and videos under the guise of running a ‘marketing business.’ Mark Henson started his 'business' in August last year, but the exact nature of his work remains unclear. “I'm exploring...
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Craig Kelly Starts MySpace Page, After Being Banned From Facebook

Controversial MP Craig Kelly has released a statement calling on his supporters to follow him on MySpace, only hours after being banned from Facebook. "Unfortunately I'm being silenced by Mark Zuckerberg," wrote Kelly. "But that doesn't mean we cant stay...
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New Targets: Scott Morrison Pledges To Meet With Brittany Higgins By 2050

At the White House Climate Summit, Australia's Prime Minister has made a new commitment to finally arrange a meeting Brittany Higgins by 2050. "We need to set realistic targets," says Scott Morrison. "These things just don't happen overnight." Mr Morrison...
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Government Consent Video Triggers 410% Increase In Milkshake Related Violence

The now infamous milkshake consent video was only live for a day before being scrapped, but it's having a dramatic and unintended consequence. Parent groups and school principals are reporting a huge spike milkshake related violence. "In our school alone...
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