National News
#BREAKING: Ghislaine Maxwell Appointed Federal Minister For Women
The woman accused of grooming young girls to engage in sex acts with US financier Jeffrey Epstein will be moving to Canberra for a spot on the coalition front bench. The Prime Minister has just announced that Ghislaine Maxwell has...
Man Wearing T-Shirt & Blazer Now Offering Generic Business Advice
A Sydney man wearing a t-shirt and blazer is embarking on a career as a business coach. It's unclear what qualifications Reece Tanner has, but he talks a lot about chasing dreams and self-realisation. "Find out what you want, and do whatever it takes...
Local Boomers Escape Sydney Traffic By Taking Cruise Ship Holiday In Suez Canal
A retired Sydney couple who say they're sick and tired of the constant Sydney traffic have taken drastic steps to escape the rat race. Barry and Kate Hoxton are onboard a P&O cruise ship, touring Egypt's Suez Canal. "We knew...
Canberra Parliamentary Staff Turn Up To Work In Full PPE
A group of around 50 political staffers have arrived at Parliament House in Canberra decked out in full personal protective equipment (PPE). "It's a hassle wearing all this stuff, but I'm not taking any chances," says one worker. It comes...
PM Calls Up Jarryd Hayne For Spot On The Front Bench
The Prime Minister has named former NRL superstar Jarryd Hayne as Australia's new Minister for Sport. "We're excited and proud that Jarryd has agreed to serve on our front bench," says Scott Morrison. "We believe Jarryd has a big future...
Peta Credlin Angry She Was Never Invited To Any Parliamentary Orgies
Sky News presenter and former federal parliamentary staffer Peta Credlin has revealed that she was never invited to any orgies or sex romps. "During my time working as chief of staff to Tony Abbott, I saw so many orgies and...
Network TEN To Start Production On New Crime Drama TV Series: CSI Canberra
Network TEN have today announced a new crime drama series is in the pipeline. "We've begun shooting a season of CSI Canberra," says executive producer Alon Ulla. "It's a warts and all look at the various police investigations into rape...
Extra Police Now Patrolling Parliament House To Ensure Security Guards Don’t Enter Certain Rooms
More than 500 extra police officers will patrol the corridors of power at Federal Parliament House, under a new security initiative announced by the Attorney General. "The police will be ensuring security guards don't enter certain rooms willy nilly," says...
Scott Morrison’s Empathy Coach Gets A Pay Rise After Teaching The PM How To Cry
After successfully crying at a press conference today, the Prime Minister has handed his empathy coach James Fitzgibbon a 3.5% pay rise. "James has done some excellent work teaching me method acting and showing me how to shed a tear...
Andrew Bolt Hosts Panel Discussion With Porter & Pell On Jarryd Hayne Guilty Verdict
Sky News host Andrew Bolt has assembled an all-star cast for a special panel discussion after Jarryd Hayne was found guilty of sexual assault. "This verdict is an absolute joke," Andrew Bolt says in the segment promo. "I believe Jarryd...
