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Wednesday, February 8, 2023

National News

NO PAIN, NO GAIN: With two weeks until Christmas, global gym chain Fitness First has begun offering new endurance based training classes. "Our new instructor-led PissFit programme aims to increase our members' alcohol tolerance," says gym CEO Miles Harris. "It's...
TIME WELL SPENT: A Sydney introvert who was already running late for work today further delayed leaving his unit, in a desperate bid to avoid his neighbour. "I was about to go when I heard him in the hallway, so...
DEEP FAKE: An average looking man has staged a dramatic overhaul thanks to a complex AI image generation tool. Richard Lawson has joined the flood of social media users posting highly flattering anime-inspired photos created by the image editing app...
A flat chested Melbourne woman has begun a campaign to change the name of 'flat white' coffees. Miranda Coombes says she enjoys flat white coffees, but gets embarrassed every time she tries to order one. "I feel the words 'flat' &...
TONGUE TWISTER: SBS football commentators are well-known for their passion and pronunciation. And, despite being of Anglo-Celtic descent, former Socceroo Craig Foster thrives on pronouncing even the most exotic and complex ethnic names. "Among the Socceroos at this World Cup, I've...
CHANGE OF HEART: The 1998 captain of the Scots College 1st XV Rugby team is today jumping on the soccer bandwagon after the Socceroos World Cup victory against Denmark. "How good are the Socceroos!?" shouted Miles McKenzie, in the early...
NUMBERS MAN: The world's declining birth rate comes amid increased costs of living, economic uncertainty plus climate change And now a new reason has emerged. "I've always considered myself someone who would make a great father," says 33 year old Michael...
SOBER TRUTH: It's taken a 5-thousand kilometre trip to Qatar for one English soccer fanatic to discover the shocking truth about the game he loves. "It's actually really fucking boring to watch, unless you're very pissed," admits Simon Millard who...
MEDIA OBSESSION: As media interest in hosting changes at The Project continues to grow, Network TEN has announced it'll host a daily press conference on the topic. "As of Tuesday at 8pm, we have three new cases of hosts quitting...
BAD CONNECTION: A local man is accused of being a bad friend after failing to reply to text messages, despite always being on his phone. Investment analyst Mark Stanforth admits to leading a busy life and being overloaded with messages,...

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