National News
Local man trying to relax at home tonight torn between watching the Mardi Gras or the outbreak of WW3
LOVE, NOT WAR: A Sydney man has admitted he is “emotionally overwhelmed” tonight after being forced to choose between live coverage of the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras and what appears to be the early stages of World War III. Marcus...
Bellevue Hill woman flies to Melbourne for the Australian Open tennis to show off her $975 Zimmermann dress
HOLDING COURT: A Sydney fashion enthusiast says her annual pilgrimage to the Australian Open was "absolutely worth it," despite watching approximately 11 minutes of actual tennis across three days. "The energy here is just incredible," Arabella Thornton-Wells told DBT, from...
Western suburbs man misreads Newtown BBQ crowd by confidently yelling ‘Aussie Aussie Aussie’ but nobody replied ‘oi, oi, oi’
CRICKETS: An Ermington man has been left red faced today after enthusiastically yelling “Aussie Aussie Aussie” at a Newtown backyard BBQ, only to be met with silence. After struggling to manage any lasting conversation with the other guests, Bradley Longmire...
“I think you might need a size up” set to be banned under Australia’s new hate speech laws
FASHION FAUX PAS: Retail workers across Australia will soon be prohibited from suggesting customers try a larger size, under sweeping new hate speech legislation. "Body-shaming language can be traumatic and divisive and that's why we are intent on stamping it...
Fully grown adult still somehow completely unaware you’re meant to let people out of the lift before getting in
OBLIVIOUS: A Sydney man has baffled onlookers after charging confidently into a lift before allowing passengers to exit, despite being estimated to be at least 65 years old. At Westfield Bondi Junction this morning, witnesses say the man stepped into...
Sydney man refusing to leave his Noosa hotel room, because there’s way too many people he knows at the pool
SELF-IMPOSED EXILE: It was meant to be a relaxing family holiday in Queensland, but it's quickly turned into a nightmare for one 28 year old Rose Bay man. Dan Haber is staying at a popular Noosa resort with his parents...
Local father excited to find out what he got his daughter for Christmas: Report
MYSTERY SHOPPER: A Sydney father who once again had zero involvement with the selection and purchase of his child's Christmas gift, is this morning waiting with baited breath to find what out they got. "I pretend to know what the...
MISSING IN ACTION: Westpac Rescue Helicopter deployed in desperate search for Penny Wong
WHERE'S PENNY? An urgent search is underway for Federal Foreign Minister Penny Wong who has been missing since 15 Australians lost their lives in the Bondi attack which as been linked to a foreign terror organisation. Ms Wong is being...
Eastern suburbs parents decide to make their son repeat year 12 after he only got 99.90 in the HSC
HIGH EXPECTATIONS: A Sydney Grammar student is set to begin year 12 for a second time, after falling short of achieving the highest possible ATAR. Mark Morgan-Morrow and his parents had their hearts set on an ATAR of 99.95. But...
Woolworths announce tough new limit on how many mangoes shoppers can squeeze before committing to one
SQUEEZE QUOTA: With mango season in full swing, Woolworths today announced that shoppers will be limited to squeezing no more than three mangoes before making their selection. "So for example if you're shopping with one other person, you can squeeze...
