National News

BRUTAL DUMPING: MAFS producers reveal Duncan used ChatGPT to write his final vows

FINAL FAREWELL: MAFS fans watched Duncan dump his wife Alyssa during final vows last night, & today it's been revealed his speech was written entirely by artificial intelligence. "Duncan was really confused about what to say to wife Alyssa," a...
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Australia’s peak science body demands the Nine Network stop calling MAFS an ‘experiment’

LAB RATS: Australia's peak science body issued an ultimatum to the Nine Network. The CSIRO is demanding Nine stop referring to its toxic reality TV show, Married at First Sight as an 'experiment.' "We believe this is a misleading and...
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Local uni student now smoking bongs 24/7 “because AI will take over most jobs, so why bother trying?”

PUNCH ON: A student at Sydney University has decided that doing anything except smoking weed and chilling out with friends is a huge waste of time. Law student Eric Raine is not attending lectures or doing any study as he...
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Harrison from MAFS recruited by the Liberal Party after his constant lies and deflection

CAREER PIVOT: MAFS villain Harrison Boon is taking Australian voters by surprise, announcing he's been installed as the Liberal Party candidate for the seat of Wentworth in Sydney's east. The former builder has been raising eyebrows on the current season...
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New helpline for people who send emails, then go to ‘sent items’ to read it from the recipient’s perspective

SUFFERING IN SILENCE: A new helpline is promising to support people who send emails then go directly to sent items to read it from the recipient's perspective. Sydney man Mark Rundle admits to doing this for almost every email he...
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Federal government launches helpline for people who talk about MAFS in social situations

TRASH TALK: The Prime Minister is today expressing 'grave concern' for people who discuss Married At First Sight while out socialising. "I don't have a problem with people watching the show, but talking about it with friends, colleagues and even...
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Man now using ChatGPT to generate responses to anything his wife says to him

LOVE LANGUAGE: Local man Tom Clancy has turned to artificial intelligence to help manage his turbulent relationship with his wife of seven years. "It really takes out the guesswork," he told DBT. "I just plug in whatever she says into...
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MAFS expert John Aiken nominated for Australian of the Year after letting Josh leave the show early

MAFS expert John Aiken has been added to the list of nominees of Australian of the Year for 2024. Last night he stepped in to save the emotionally abused MAFS groom Josh from his sex-crazed wife Melissa. ā€œIā€™m going to...
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“I’m way more productive working in the office,” says woman in 16th conversation about it with colleagues today

KILLING TIME: A local worker's time in the office is being dominated by generic banter about working from home vs the office. "I'm just find I'm getting a lot more done in the office," Linda Grieves told colleagues today in...
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RELIEF: Fresh barrage of reality TV prevents local woman from thinking about her own meaningless life

IDIOT BOX: A local woman has once again taken the bait set by the major commercial television networks. With TV ratings season back in full swing, Sydney's Jamie Pulver has gone into hiding under a soothing blanket of countless hours...
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