National News
“I’m marrying Rupert for his sexy body and good looks,” reports Murdoch press
LEAD STORY: News Corp media outlets around the world are today reporting that it was Rupert Murdoch's 'sexy' body and good looks which lured his sixth wife-to-be. The Australian newspaper quotes Murdoch's new fiancee Elena Zhukova, 67, saying: "I never...
Instagram introduces new feature allowing users to mute all content relating to Taylor Swift
ANTI-HERO: Social media platform Instagram has responded to growing demand from users to introduce a mute option for any content relating to pop superstar Taylor Swift. “Our AI software can easily identify any photos, videos or text about her, so...
Sydney man completes transition into his 40’s by spending hours on his Noosa vacation perusing property listings, with no intention of buying anything
LUXE LISTINGS: There are growing concerns for a 42 year old Sydney man who has seemingly lost the ability to relax and have fun while on holidays. Like his parents used to do when he was a child, Greg Arnaud...
#BREAKING: Man left red faced at Australia Day BBQ after yelling: ‘Aussie, Aussie Aussie…’ but nobody replied: ‘Oi Oi Oi’
AUSSIE BATTLER: Lunch hasn't even been served, but a Sydney man is already letting loose at an Australia Day BBQ today. After struggling to manage any lasting conversation with other guests, Chris Smithers decided to randomly yell out 'Aussie Aussie...
New calls to change the Australia Day date to when Scott Morrison reportedly shat himself at Engadine Maccas
SHIT IDEA: In the absence of any obvious date to change Australia Day to, a group of activists say it should be the day Scott Morrison allegedly shat himself at Engadine McDonald's. Whether it's true or not, the rumour is...
Local introvert wearing sign to prevent predictable small talk while walking his dog
CONVERSATION STOPPER: A local man has taken a unique approach to avoid the mundane chit chat that typically accompanies dog walking. Tom Halgos has begun wearing a sign around his neck with key information about his dog Holly to preempt...
News.com.au journalist sets new year’s resolution to report some real news, instead of his constant misleading clickbait
NEW HORIZONS: A news.com.au reporter is attempting to take the next brave step in his career. As a new year beckons, Harry Hackman has set a resolution to report some actual news, a huge departure from his standard sensational clickbait...
Adelaide singles now using Ancestry.com as a dating app: Report
INCESTRY.COM: A new report by Relationships Australia has found growing numbers of Adelaide singles are using Ancestry.com as their preferred matchmaking platform. "With a limited dating pool in Adelaide, many people have exhausted traditional dating apps like Tinder and Bumble,"...
“Christian Wilkins’ outfit is offensive!” claims man wearing Bintang singlet, Eels NRL shorts and a pair of Crocs
FASHION FAUX PAS: The outfit Christian Wilkins wore to last night's Aria awards has drawn an unsettling response. The 28 year old arrived at the star-studded event in a sheer dress, to the dismay of many, including one man from...
Local woman uses friend’s b’day as thinly veiled excuse to post thirst trap photo of herself, with the friend barely visible
HOT GIRL SUMMER: A local woman has hijacked her friend's birthday, posting a flattering photo of herself with the birthday girl appearing out of focus in the background. Charlotte Masters' photo taken last night was posted to Instagram with the...
