National News

Government’s Consent Ad Replaced By Explainer Video Presented by Christian Porter

Widely criticised for its 'confusing' and 'out of touch' consent milkshake video, the federal government has quickly replaced it with a new video presented by Christian Porter. "I know first-hand the importance of consent," says Porter in the video which...
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Consent Milkshake Video Made By Producers Of 1970’s TV Sitcom ‘Happy Days’

The federal government's new consent video is being slammed for being 'out of touch' and 'ineffective,' and now it's become clear why. It was made by the same production company responsible for the 1970's TV sitcom classic Happy Days. "I...
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PM Gives Christine Holgate Cartier Watch As Apology For Bullying

The Prime Minister is accused of staging a major backflip on his earlier judgement that it's inappropriate to give luxury watches as gifts. Today Scott Morrison gave the former Australia Post chief a $6000 Cartier watch in an apparent apology...
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Thousands Of Pirated Copies Of ‘Apocalypse Now’ Uncovered In Ben Robert-Smith’s Backyard

Australian Federal Police have launched yet another investigation into Ben Roberts-Smith, after unearthing another potentially incriminating find in his backyard. Police found thousands of pirated copies of the classic war film 'Apocalypse Now' buried in the soil. "We allege the...
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Queen Elizabeth Announces Move Into Granny Flat At Harry & Meghan’s

A grieving Queen Elizabeth has arrived in California where she'll take up residence at a granny flat in Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's backyard. "Ultimately I would love to stay in the UK, but Buckingham Palace is way too big...
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PM Intervenes: Scott Morrison Orders Bryce From MAFS To Undergo Empathy Training

As Federal Parliament continues to erupt with allegations of harassment and abuse against women, the PM has now begun extending disciplinary action outside the Canberra bubble. Scott Morrison has ordered Bryce Ruthven from Married At First Sight to undergo a...
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Nation In Crisis: Australians Discover that MAFS Is Not On Tonight

Australian TV viewers have been left in shock today upon discovering the normal MAFS Sunday slugfest is not on tonight. "What the hell?" said one woman. "What do they expect me to do, watch 60 Minutes or something?" The Nine...
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Blackmores Introduce New 2 in 1 Multivitamin + Covid Vaccine

Australian health supplements company Blackmores has begun marketing a new Covid Vaccine alternative. "Taken once daily, our new Multivitamin plus Covid vaccine supplement acts as guaranteed protection against Coronavirus," says Blackmores CEO John Welsh. "It also contains the key vitamins...
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Brisbane Easter Bunnies Restricted To Leaving One Egg Per Four Square Metres

Tough new Covid restrictions in Brisbane will limit the activities of Easter bunnies, as residents hope the city's lockdown comes to an end today. "We're trying our hardest to make Easter a safe and healthy time for everyone," says QLD...
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#BREAKING: Ghislaine Maxwell Appointed Federal Minister For Women

The woman accused of grooming young girls to engage in sex acts with US financier Jeffrey Epstein will be moving to Canberra for a spot on the coalition front bench. The Prime Minister has just announced that Ghislaine Maxwell has...
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