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Sydney's infamous light rail project has failed to clear its final hurdle; coronavirus. The Premier today announced its immediate and permanent closure. "It's a sad day for Transport NSW," says Gladys Berejiklian. "We're proud of the network we built. It was...
Celebrity chef Pete Evans has announced a breakthrough cure for the deadly Coronavirus. "It's an all natural tonic, combining coconut oil, cannabis, spinach, Nurofen Plus and a few other ingredients Iā€™m not yet willing to divulge,ā€ he says. The controversial chef...
The Keep Sydney Open political party has announced a dramatic shift in policy focus, and a rebrand. "We're now called the Keep Sydney Closed party," founder Julian Price told DBT exclusively. "We're simply moving with the times." The shift comes in...
Actor Tom Hanks says he and his wife have begun self-isolation on a deserted island shortly after being diagnosed with coronavirus in Australia. "We just need to rest and repair without infecting anyone else," the 63 year old American told...
Escalating fears of a toilet paper shortage have sent global sharemarkets into free fall. $140 billion was wiped off the ASX 200 today. "It was the worst day of trading since the GFC," says CommSec's Jason Taverner. "Panic buying of toilet...
The three baboons that captured our hearts last week are on the run once again. The trio have been spotted inside several Sydney supermarkets today. "I saw them looking disappointed there was no toilet paper left at Coles in Epping," says...
American actress and businesswoman Gwyneth Paltrow has announced a breakthrough cure for the deadly Coronavirus. "It's an all natural tonic combining ginger, lemon, turmeric and a few other ingredients I'm not yet willing to divulge," she says. The high profile entrepreneur...
A self-checkout shopper has apologised to Coles after admitting to underpaying for his groceries. "It wasn't theft," claims homeless man John Thomas. "It was just an honest mistake." It's understood Mr Thomas unintentionally scanned avocados as carrots at the self-checkout, and...
Supermarket giant Coles has announced a dramatic reduction in its Asian food sections in response to deepening fears about Coronavirus. "Over the last decade the amount of Asian food products we stock has been steadily increasing," says Coles CEO Joel...
The NSW state government has announced that the beleaguered Opal Tower at Sydney Olympic Park will be used as a Coronavirus quarantine centre. "Work has begun to transform the building into a state of the art quarantine facility," says Gladys...

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