National News
Millennial Gets Blood Clot While Researching If She Should Risk Getting The AstraZeneca Vaccine
A Sydney millennial is being treated in hospital after getting a blood clot while trying to work out if she should risk getting the AstraZeneca vaccine. "My brain hurts," Rose Gordon told DBT from her hospital bed. "Researching it was...
Donald Trump Announces Tilt At Australian Politics After Hearing Barnaby Joyce Got Re-elected
Former US President Donald Trump has announced a plan to revive his political career down under. It comes after hearing that the basket case of Australian politics Barnaby Joyce has been re-elected as Deputy PM. "You know what, maybe there's...
Narcissistic Nutter Confirms Dire State Of Australian Politics After Re-election As Deputy PM
One of Australia's biggest loose cannons has been re-elected Deputy Prime Minister today. Barnaby Joyce's controversy-filled political career revolves around doing as many media interviews as possible. And just when Australian voters thought they'd seen the end of the drunken...
#BREAKING: Biloela Family Request Deportation Back To Sri Lanka After Seeing How Boring Perth Is
The Murugappan family have formally volunteered deportation back to Sri Lanka after arriving in Perth, where their young daughter is being treated for a serious illness. "This place is terrible," says father Nades Murugappan. "It's just so fucking boring here."...
‘Sorry, I’ve Been Too Busy To Reply To Your Text,’ Says Woman After Her 3rd Hour Scrolling Instagram
A Perth woman is letting her friend down gently today, after it took her an entire afternoon to reply to his text message, asking how she's going. Claire Temple's reply to Peter Marr's message eventually came at 5pm yesterday, more...
Palaszczuk Cancels State Of Origin Series, As Queensland Records New Covid Case
The 2021 State of Origin series has come to an abrupt end, after Queensland recorded a new case of Covid-19. "We've been left with no other option but to withdraw from the series," says the Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk. It...
Career Lifeline: Israel Folau Given Contract At Sydney Convicts Gay Rugby Union Team
Controversial cross code footballer Israel Folau has been handed a much needed career lifeline. The 32 year old has accepted an offer to play with the gay and inclusive Rugby Union team the Sydney Convicts. "It's not quite like playing...
Elon Musk Predicts Tweeting About Crypto Will Get Him Attention For “At Least Another 18 Months”
The world's second richest person says he'll continue tweeting about Cryptocurrencies for "at least another eighteen months." "There's still a bit of upside left in the crypto market," says Elon Musk. "But soon I'll have to start tweeting about other...
Local Pet Owner Accused Of Prioritising Her Dog’s Instagram Account, Over The Actual Dog
A Sydney woman is accused of neglecting her 2 year old Boston Terrier in favour of the dog's Instagram account. It's alleged Alexandra Weir is dressing up her dog, Bobbie, in elaborate costumes, taking copious amounts of photos and then...
Christian Porter Applauds Jail Sentence Handed Down Against Jarryd Hayne
The federal Minister for Industry, Science and Technology has spoken out about the lengthy jail sentence handed to NRL player Jarryd Hayne. "I know I'm not the attorney-general anymore," says Christian Porter. "However I still believe it's appropriate for me...
