National News
Unrelenting Flow Of Reality TV Saves Woman From Having To Think About Her Own Life
A bleak combination of winter, Covid-19 and general laziness is forcing Sydney's Ange Pulver to use reality TV to find meaning and purpose in her own life. "I'm really invested in all the contestants on Beauty and the Geek," she...
Ch 7 Announce Pauline Hanson As Replacement For Katie Hopkins On Celebrity Big Brother
One Nation Leader Pauline Hanson has agreed to take Katie Hopkins' spot on Celebrity Big Brother, it's been confirmed. "We're relieved and excited Pauline has accepted our offer," says Seven programming executive Mike Hanley. "We need another far-right, racist type...
New Research Shows Vaccination May Be Ineffective Unless You Post A Selfie Of It
The Prime Minister is urging anyone who gets vaccinated to make sure they share a selfie of it to social media. "Please, do the right thing," says Scott Morrison. "We're all in this together. We desperately need to lift our...
PM Reveals Australia’s Confronting New Covid Advert Was Directed By Stephen King
FEAR FACTOR: Legendary horror writer Stephen King was the brains behind the federal government's confronting new TV advertisement warning about the dangers of Covid-19. The 30 second clip shows a terrified young woman struggling to breath on a ventilator. "Obviously...
Kyrgios Bitter Ash Barty Has All The Attention Without Abusing Umpires Or Smashing Racquets
Australian tennis bad boy Nick Kyrgios has unleashed on the Wimbledon winner Ash Barty. "She might be a good player and all, but tennis at this level is about so much more than playing ability," says Kyrgios. "It's about providing...
Man Who Loves Working From Home Pretending To Be Sad About Extended Lockdown
A local sales executive is flexing his acting skills today, pretending to be upset about the extended lockdown set to be announced by the NSW Premier. "I'm really missing all of you guys," Ben Hutton told colleagues on this morning's...
QLD Premier Rules NSW Players Must Always Remain At Least 1.5M Apart During Origin Final
One week out from the State of Origin final, NSW's bid for a series clean sweep has been dealt a potentially lethal blow. Ahead of next Wednesday's match at Stadium Australia, the Queensland Premier has announced that NSW players must...
Man Posts Photos Of Himself Cooking In Last Ditch Attempt To Find A Girlfriend
A sexually frustrated Sydney man has posted photos of himself preparing a salad to Instagram. The photo montage includes a shot of himself in action, and another of the pear, apple and roasted walnut salad he claims to have made,...
Anti Face Mask Activist Now Refusing To Wear Ventilator Mask After Getting Serious Case Of Covid
A dramatic stand off has emerged between a doctor in intensive care and an anti-masker who has now contracted a serious case of Covid-19. Even with extreme difficulty breathing, Phil Wright is refusing to wear a ventilator face mask. "The...
Lockdown Impact: Cosmetic Clinic Closures Taking Heavy Toll On Local Woman
A Double Bay woman has been left completely unrecognisable as the shutdown of cosmetic clinics and beauticians enters its second week. Jenny Edgell's youthful and exuberant appearance in a photo taken before Sydney's second lockdown last week, is in stark...
