National News

Melbourne Man Who Forgot To Make Valentine’s Day Reservations Relieved About Lockdown

A Melbourne man is breathing a sigh of relief after the Victorian Premier yesterday announced a five-day lockdown to halt the spread of the highly infectious UK variant. "It's actually great news because I had completely forgotten to make any...
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#BREAKING: Sam Newman To Replace Eddie McGuire As Collingwood Club President

Collingwood Football club have announced that controversial media personality and former Geelong ruckman Sam Newman will replace Eddie Maguire as club president. “Sam is a well respected member of the AFL community,” says a Collingwood press release release issued a...
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Chemist Warehouse Launches Face Mask Promotion Ahead Of Valentines Day

Australia's largest pharmacy chain Chemist Warehouse is offering two face masks for the price of one, for the next seven days in the lead up to Valentines Day. "Valentines Day is a loving and physically affectionate time," says Chemist Warehouse...
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Folau’s First Photoshoot For The Dragons, To Help Sell ‘Make The Dragons Great Again’ Hats

The St George Illawarra Dragons are gearing up for the release of new merchandise, featuring Israel Folau. "Our 'Make The Dragons Great Again' hats will be available widely soon for just $29.95," says St George Illawarra CEO Mark Miles. The...
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St George Illawarra Dragons Announce Margaret Court As New Club CEO

The St George Illawarra Rugby League club has today announced that controversial Australia tennis legend Margaret Court will replace Ryan Webb as the club's CEO. "I've long been a Dragon's fan," says Court. "Now I'm looking forward to playing a...
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PM Announces Extension Of JobSeeker Payment For All Former MAFS Contestants

Canberra has today announced an extension of the JobSeeker payment for all former contestants of the hit reality TV show Married At First Sight. "These people need our help," says Scott Morrison. "After appearing on the show, their job prospects...
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Uber Launches New Dating App For Single Drivers and Passengers

Ride share company Uber is diversifying into the lucrative dating industry. Uber has launched a new app called Uber Single, exclusively for single drivers and passengers. "It's very similar to regular Uber, but for single people only," says Uber's CEO...
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Tennis Australia Gives Players In Hotel Quarantine ‘Wii Tennis’ For Training Purposes

Aussie tennis ace Bernard Tomic says his Australian Open training schedule is 'almost back on track' after being given a Nintendo console with Wii Tennis on it. "Officials from Tennis Australia gave me the console early this morning and I've already...
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Melbourne Man Stuck O/S Starts Intensive Tennis Lessons To Qualify For Next Year’s Australian Open

A Melbourne born man whose been stranded in London since March has hired the coach of British tennis star Andy Murray, in a desperate bid to qualify for the 2022 Australian Open. "It could be my only way into Australia,"...
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Calls For Novak Djokovic To Be Kept In Hotel Quarantine On A Permanent Basis

There are growing calls today for world number 1 tennis player Novak Djokovic to remain in lockdown on a permanent basis. It comes as 72 players remain in hotel quarantine after they flew into Melbourne for the Australian Open with...
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