National News

“Aussie Aussie Aussie, oi oi oi!” yells man waving 10 cent Australian flag, made in China

"The Australian made flags were a bit too expensive," he says. AUSSIE PRIDE: Lunch hasn't even been served, but a Sydney man is already letting loose at an Australia Day BBQ today. "I tried chatting to a few people here...
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#BREAKING: Network TEN announce Michael Clarke as the next Bachelor

SINGLE & READY TO MINGLE: The TEN Network has handed former cricket hero Michael Clarke a love lifeline, choosing him to be the next Bachelor. "I'm used to having my personal life widely scrutinised," Clarke told DBT exclusively. "And if...
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Qantas CEO blames emergency landing on passenger who didn’t switch phone to flight mode

FIGHT OR FLIGHT: Qantas is now claiming a passenger is responsible for its rare mayday call that led to the emergency landing at Sydney airport. The passenger on board flight QF144 from Auckland reportedly forgot to switch their phone to...
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BUNCH OF TOOLS: Bunnings now hosting birthday parties for men aged 45 & over

SCREW LOOSE: DIY retailer Bunnings is to seize a slice of the birthday event market by catering to middle-aged men. "From next month we're holding parties at our several stores around the country," Bunnings CEO John McGuinness told DBT. "We even...
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People who leave parties without saying goodbye save up to 2 days per year: Report

IRISH EXIT: Saying goodbye to friends at parties may seem like the obvious and polite thing to do, but a new report shows it may be costing us dearly. Researchers from the UNSW's Time Management Institute interviewed 2000 Australians, finding...
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Local shrooms dealer now also selling Woolworths & Costco spinach

EAT YOUR GREENS: A Sydney mushroom dealer has moved into the lucrative new black market for Woolworths and Costco spinach. "The mark up on this stuff is incredible at the moment," Ben Tilbury told DBT. "I know a few other...
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PissFit: Fitness First now offering drinking endurance classes in preparation for silly season

NO PAIN, NO GAIN: With two weeks until Christmas, global gym chain Fitness First has begun offering new endurance based training classes. "Our new instructor-led PissFit programme aims to increase our members' alcohol tolerance," says gym CEO Miles Harris. "It's...
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Introvert delays leaving home by 5 minutes to avoid 10 second chat with his neighbour

TIME WELL SPENT: A Sydney introvert who was already running late for work today further delayed leaving his unit, in a desperate bid to avoid his neighbour. "I was about to go when I heard him in the hallway, so...
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‘Check out how hot I’d be if I looked completely different’ says man posting AI selfie

DEEP FAKE: An average looking man has staged a dramatic overhaul thanks to a complex AI image generation tool. Richard Lawson has joined the flood of social media users posting highly flattering anime-inspired photos created by the image editing app...
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Craig Foster hoping Ajdin Hrustic scores a goal, so he can flex his ethnic name pronunciation skills

TONGUE TWISTER: SBS football commentators are well-known for their passion and pronunciation. And, despite being of Anglo-Celtic descent, former Socceroo Craig Foster thrives on pronouncing even the most exotic and complex ethnic names. "Among the Socceroos at this World Cup,...
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