National News

#BREAKING: Gladys Berejiklian’s ex-boyfriend announced as a cast member of Fboy Island

LIMBRO: Well-known for his behind the scenes influence on NSW politics, disgraced MP Daryl Maguire is set to emerge as a leading man on the next season of FBoy Island. "With a background in political wheeling and dealing, we think...
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Fantales discontinued as the last person who bought them 3 years ago is still chewing

SOMETHING TO CHEW OVER: In a bittersweet move that's shocked choc-caramel lovers around Australia, confectionary maker Neslte has announced the demise of Fantales. After 93 years in production, the company says it will stop making the iconic lolly next month...
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Man clicks ‘unmute’ for the first time during work Zoom call, just to say goodbye

OVER & OUT: A local tech firm employee has shocked colleagues on a Zoom call while working from home today. Simon Schiller came off mute for the first time during a 40 minute zoom call just to say: "Goodbye, chat...
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HIGH FLYERS: Valium announced as sponsor of Qantas’ new ultra long-haul flights

CHILL PILL: Passengers on Qantas' new long haul flights will be given a 5mg tablet of anxiety medication Valium, under a new sponsorship deal announced today by the airline. "Flying almost 20 hours non-stop can be a stressful experience for...
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InstaFit: Fitness First now offering discount memberships to those only using their phones

PHONE PLAN: As recession fears continue to bite, global gym chain Fitness First is offering relief to Australian household budgets. "Our research shows up to 14% of our members come to the gym and are on their phones pretty much...
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“Let me help you grow your Instagram page,” says ‘social media expert’ with 194 followers

GROWTH HACKER: A self-described 'social media expert' is offering to help those looking to boost their Instagram profiles, despite boasting a personal following of only 194. Joel Salanti reportedly slid into a local woman's DM's, attempting to sell his services....
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Seven Network announce Ben Roberts-Smith as a contestant on the next season of SAS Australia

BACK ON THE FRONT LINE: The Seven Network continues to stand by its controversial Queensland managing director Ben Roberts-Smith. The decorated war criminal has this evening been announced as a contestant on season two of Seven's reality TV show SAS...
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Alfie Langer still wondering how he made selection for this 1991 ad with Tina Turner

PIN UP BOY: The passing of the Queen of Rock 'n' Roll Tina Turner has raised some unanswered questions for one former footballer. Back in the early 1990's, pre-eminent halfback Alfie Langer was featured in an NRL ad alongside Tina...
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Local influencer heroically survives this morning’s Instagram outage largely unscathed

SURVIVOR: A self-described 'influencer' has told of her harrowing ordeal this morning, when Instagram suddenly went offline for one hour. "I was having my breakfast at the time," says Jamie Rogers. "It felt surreal." "I took a selfie with my...
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Woman ‘likes’ photo of friends out to dinner, purely to drive home the point that she wasn’t invited

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE: Scandal and controversy has ripped through a small group of close friends in Sydney's east. While scrolling Instagram this morning, Amber Ripoli saw a photo of her three best friends out for dinner. "It hurt a lot," she...
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