National News
Eastern suburbs parents decide to make their son repeat year 12 after he only got 99.90 in the HSC
HIGH EXPECTATIONS: A Sydney Grammar student is set to begin year 12 for a second time, after falling short of achieving the highest possible ATAR. Mark Morgan-Morrow and his parents had their hearts set on an ATAR of 99.95. But...
Woolworths announce tough new limit on how many mangoes shoppers can squeeze before committing to one
SQUEEZE QUOTA: With mango season in full swing, Woolworths today announced that shoppers will be limited to squeezing no more than three mangoes before making their selection. "So for example if you're shopping with one other person, you can squeeze...
#BREAKING: Leaked images show Anika Wells attempting to steal toilet paper from the Parliament House bathrooms
ON THE TAKE: The halls of power were thrown into chaos tonight, with newly leaked photos showing Anika Wells attempting to discreetly smuggle several rolls of toilet paper out of the Parliament House bathrooms. “I just needed some for the...
Anika Wells moves her family into her office at Parliament House for the summer to save money on their air con at home
AIR CON: Embattled Labor MP Anika Wells has transformed her office at Parliament House into a comfortable living space for her family of five. "We are beating rising energy costs this summer," she told DBT. “It's so expensive to cool...
“It’s so easy to make time for exercise,” claims local fitness influencer without job, mortgage, children, social life or any other hobbies
JUST DO IT: A Sydney influencer is being accused of misleading her followers, after claiming she juggles a demanding daily schedule to fit in regular exercise. "You won't achieve your fitness goals by just thinking about them," Elise Jamison said...
Eastern suburbs school leaver forced to cut her Schoolies Week short after discovering there’s no Sundays Bondi in Surfers Paradise
HOLIDAY HELL: It was meant to be the party of a lifetime: sun, sand and fun with her closest friends after finishing the HSC. But for one recent graduate of Kambala school in Sydney's east, Schoolies Week on the Gold...
NSW Health announce new plant-based, biodegradable alternative to help people stop vaping
SMOKE AND MIRRORS: The state government has today launched a breakthrough initiative to help combat vaping. "It's a brand-new product called 'cigarettes.'" says a spokesperson for NSW Health. Cigarettes use tobacco, a leafy plant which naturally contains nicotine. "It's a...
Woolworths now offering free counselling to grocery shoppers traumatised by seeing themselves on the self-checkout camera
RELIEF AT THE CHECKOUT: In response to growing demand, Woolworths is now offering emotional support to shoppers upset after catching a glimpse of themselves on the self-checkout camera. "I simply couldn't look back at the screen, I looked exhausted and...
Rose Bay man accused of ‘cultural appropriation’ after going to Halloween party dressed as a resident of Newtown
HIPSTER HIJACK: An eastern suburbs man is ruffling feathers in the inner west tonight, after going to a Halloween party dressed as a Newtown resident. Typically James Mathers-Reid hangs out at the Golden Sheaf, wearing polo shirts with popped collars...
University of Sydney now offering PhD on ‘How to look busy until your trust fund kicks in’
PERFORMATIVE PRODUCTIVITY: The University of Sydney today unveiled a doctoral program in a new field of study called 'Neponomics.' It's a three year PhD course educating students on how to appear industrious while patiently waiting for generational wealth to bail...
