National News

#BREAKING: The UN Announces W.A’s Separation From Australia, To Form Its Own Sovereign Nation

INDEPENDENCE DAY: The United Nations has today formally recognised Western Australia as an independent nation, as the state's tough border closures are extended. From next month Western Australia will be officially called the Independent Republic of Western Australia (IRWA), with...
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W.A Premier Reveals He Was Bullied At High School, “And Now It’s Payback Time”

FULL STORY: An emotional Western Australia Premier has shared some poignant insights from his childhood, as he fronted the media today. Mark McGowan has revealed he was the victim of schoolyard bullying back in the 1980's. "Life wasn't easy for...
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New polling shows more Australians want Scott Morrison deported than Novak Djokovic

DBT YEAR IN REVIEW: JAN, 12 SLIM MARGIN: A new survey shows slightly more Australians would like to see the back of the PM than the world no. 1 tennis player. Polling company Newspoll interviewed a random sample of 5,600...
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Afghan Asylum Seeker At Villawood Detention Centre Starts Practicing Tennis

LONG SHOT: Afghan asylum seeker Karima Zahir has been locked up in immigration detention for three years waiting for his asylum claim to be processed. But the 31 year old says he's finally seen a potential way out. "It's a...
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Generic Chat About Covid With Colleague On First Day Back At Work Enters 50th Minute

COVID BANTER: Despite spending most of their break stressing about covid-19, two office workers have again found themselves deeply entrenched in a conversation about the pandemic. "So how was your Christmas break, did you get covid? hahah," one worker asked...
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Bondi Man Waiting For Gap In Conversation So He Can Mention He Just Got Back From Byron

BYRON BUBBLE: A Sydney man who returned from Byron Bay last night is doing whatever he can to make sure everyone knows he was there. Despite posting a huge amount of content to Instagram from the generic holiday hotspot,  Adam...
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Man Not Medically Well Enough For Vaccine, Well Enough To Play Australian Open: Report

NOVAX: A man with 'medical issues' preventing him from getting vaccinated, is apparently fit enough to defend his title at The Australian Open, it's been revealed. Nine-time Australian Open champion and well-known anti-vaxxer Novak Djokovic has revealed he will compete...
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“We Can’t Hand Out Rapid Tests For Free,” Says PM Who Handed Out $89 Billion In JobKeeper

FULL STORY: The Prime Minister is continuing to resist pressure to provide rapid antigen tests for free, even as state testing regimes buckle. "I understand some people will get sick and possibly even die, and that's a shame, but at...
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‘Influencer’ Signs Off Insta With: ‘Fu*k u 2021,’ Despite Earning More In Job Keeper Than In Entire Career

SIDE HUSTLE: A local 'influencer' has became the latest person to post an end of year tribute selfie. With 2,300 instagram followers, Joe Hewitson is also a 'content creator' operating as a sole trader. "Fu*k u 2021," he captioned his...
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Annastacia Palaszczuk Threatens Lockdown For QLD, After Not Being Invited Anywhere For NYE

SOCIAL DILEMMA: With New Year's Eve only two days away, the Queensland Premier says a statewide lockdown is "still very much on the cards." Annastacia Palaszczuk's NYE threat comes amid surging covid case numbers in Queensland. But political insiders say...
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