National News
#BREAKING: Man left red faced at Australia Day BBQ after yelling: ‘Aussie, Aussie Aussie…’ but nobody replied: ‘Oi Oi Oi’
AUSSIE BATTLER: Lunch hasn't even been served, but a Sydney man is already letting loose at an Australia Day BBQ today. After struggling to manage any lasting conversation with other guests, Chris Smithers decided to randomly yell out 'Aussie Aussie...
New calls to change the Australia Day date to when Scott Morrison reportedly shat himself at Engadine Maccas
SHIT IDEA: In the absence of any obvious date to change Australia Day to, a group of activists say it should be the day Scott Morrison allegedly shat himself at Engadine McDonald's. Whether it's true or not, the rumour is...
Local introvert wearing sign to prevent predictable small talk while walking his dog
CONVERSATION STOPPER: A local man has taken a unique approach to avoid the mundane chit chat that typically accompanies dog walking. Tom Halgos has begun wearing a sign around his neck with key information about his dog Holly to preempt...
News.com.au journalist sets new year’s resolution to report some real news, instead of his constant misleading clickbait
NEW HORIZONS: A news.com.au reporter is attempting to take the next brave step in his career. As a new year beckons, Harry Hackman has set a resolution to report some actual news, a huge departure from his standard sensational clickbait...
Adelaide singles now using Ancestry.com as a dating app: Report
INCESTRY.COM: A new report by Relationships Australia has found growing numbers of Adelaide singles are using Ancestry.com as their preferred matchmaking platform. "With a limited dating pool in Adelaide, many people have exhausted traditional dating apps like Tinder and Bumble,"...
“Christian Wilkins’ outfit is offensive!” claims man wearing Bintang singlet, Eels NRL shorts and a pair of Crocs
FASHION FAUX PAS: The outfit Christian Wilkins wore to last night's Aria awards has drawn an unsettling response. The 28 year old arrived at the star-studded event in a sheer dress, to the dismay of many, including one man from...
Local woman uses friend’s b’day as thinly veiled excuse to post thirst trap photo of herself, with the friend barely visible
HOT GIRL SUMMER: A local woman has hijacked her friend's birthday, posting a flattering photo of herself with the birthday girl appearing out of focus in the background. Charlotte Masters' photo taken last night was posted to Instagram with the...
“BEST CREW EVER!” woman captions photo she took, as revenge on closest friend who cancelled last minute
RENT A CROWD: In an epic display of passive aggressive behaviour, a Sydney woman has tried to make her best friend jealous by posting a group selfie with the caption 'Best crew ever!!' Carly Sparks' act of revenge came after...
COST OF LIVING CRISIS: Local man now doing all his grocery shopping at his parents’ place
SELF-CHECKOUT: A Melbourne man is avoiding rising supermarket prices by doing his weekly grocery shopping at his parents' kitchen. "It's free and easy," Samual Merritt-Rimmer told DBT. "The pantry is perpetually stocked and the fridge is full of culinary delights,...
Daniel Andrews’ North Face jacket collection to go on display at the Melbourne Museum
ADVENTURE MAN: The former Victorian Premier has announced that his coveted North Face jacket collection will be going on display at the prestigious Melbourne Museum. "I'm sharing my North Face jacket collection with the people of Victoria," Daniel Andrews said,...
