National News
Shane Warne Spotted Using Cricket Box As Face Mask
Spin king Shane Warne has been photographed wearing a cricket box on his face while out grocery shopping in the Melbourne suburb of Brighton. It follows new rules for Greater Melbourne making face coverings mandatory when leaving home. "I didn't...
Woolworths’ New Face Mask Policy Revealed As Strategy To Reduce Grape Theft
Woolworths' new policy encouraging shoppers to wear face masks has been revealed as a ploy to prevent them stealing grapes. "Publicly the policy is being implemented under the guise of stopping the spread of Coronavirus," says a head office employee...
New Dating App For People Who Think Covid Is A Scam
From the makers of popular dating app 'Hinge' comes 'Unhinge,' a new app for singles who think Covid is a scam. "We want to be an online meeting place for Covid skeptics," says app developer Peter Coyne. "But also a...
Bunnings Karen Refusing To Wear Ventilator Mask After Contracting Serious Case Of Covid-19
A dramatic stand off has emerged between a doctor in intensive care and 'Bunnings Karen' who has now contracted a serious case of Covid-19. Even with extreme difficulty breathing, Bunnings Karen is refusing to wear a ventilator face mask. "The...
New Data Shows Dangerous Spike In Number Of Covid Skeptics
The nation's scientists are flagging a dramatic increase in the number of people who think Covid-19 is a scam. "We've seen several new outbreaks," says the CSIRO's Hunter Thomas. "It comes after Melbourne 'Covidiot' Eve Black went viral by...
Victoria’s Coronavirus Outbreak Traced Back To Ciarran From Bachelor In Paradise
'Patient zero' of Victoria's Covid-19 outbreak has been identified as controversial love rat Ciarran Stott from Network TEN's reality TV dating show Bachelor in Paradise. "He's a super spreader," says Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews. "Investigators from Victoria's Health Department have...
China Calls For Independent Investigation Into Jetstar Health Screening Bungle
China has made a submission to the World Health Organisation, calling for an independent investigation into Jetstar's Covid-19 screening bungle. A planeload of passengers from Melbourne was allowed to disembark at Sydney Airport on Tuesday night without undergoing health screening...
‘They Only Speak English As A 2nd Language’ Says Politician Who Only Speaks 1 Language
A politician taking aim at people who 'speak English as a second language,' can barely speak English, let alone any other languages, it's been confirmed. One Nation leader Pauline Hanson has labelled Melbourne public housing residents in lockdown as 'drug...
Politician Nobody Takes Seriously Banned From TV Show Nobody Watches
A poor excuse for a politician has been axed from appearing on a breakfast TV show that nobody watches. Pauline Hanson was banned from The Today Show after she made offensive statements on air about residents trapped in nine Melbourne...
Victorians Given 24 Hours To Scramble Into New South Wales
Hundreds of thousands of Victorians have begun a mad rush to cross the border into New South Wales this morning. Traffic around border towns is already building rapidly, only minutes after authorities announced the border between the two states will...
