National News
Local husband returns perfectly clean container to the dishwasher, to avoid having to make room for it in the tupperware drawer
CIRCLE OF LIFE: In a groundbreaking display of domestic ingenuity, a Sydney father and husband has put a spotless container back into the dishwasher. "It's an avant garde and time saving technique," Chris Patton told DBT. The novel approach is...
“The Australia Day date must never change!” declares white man who is still traumatised by the Coon Cheese rebrand
SET IN HIS WAYS: As Australian Day approaches, one Brisbane man is doing everything he can to ensure his voice is heard, as he does every year around this time. “The date must always remain January 26,” says Steve Waters....
Local marketing/PR executive sacked for attending a meeting without an oversized, brightly coloured hydration flask
INSTANT DISMISSAL: It's been a bad start to the year for one Sydney communications executive. Account manager Meghan Smethurst has been unceremoniously fired for turning up to a meeting without the mandatory oversized water bottle. "You've really let us, and...
“That Sam Konstas kid is a one hit wonder,” claims local boomer whose highest score was 7 runs for Easts 4th grade in 1977
OLD HAND: An outspoken local boomer has issued a blunt assessment of rising cricket star Sam Konstas at a family BBQ in Rose Bay tonight. Glen Westwood says the 19 year old test opener is a one hit wonder. “I’ve...
News Corp reporter sets ambitious new year’s resolution to finally stop writing about Raygun
αRAGE BAIT: A reporter for the national News Corp title News.com.au has set himself a bold news year's resolution. In 2025, Harry Hackman hopes to report some actual news, a huge departure from his endless stories about the controversial breakdancer...
PM announces instant deportation of anyone who was at Bronte Beach on Christmas Day, unless they come back to help clean up
CLEAN UP OR PACK UP: Australia's Prime Minister has made a brief appearance during his summer break to issue a bold threat to any revellers who were at Bronte Beach on Christmas day. "Effective immediately, any tourist, backpacker, or random...
Woman who saved 99c by finally remembering to bring a reusable tote bag to Woolies, rewards herself with a $5k tote bag from Christian Dior
GIRL MATH: A Double Bay woman is flaunting her new Christian Dior tote bag this morning. She purchased it after some quick thinking while getting ready to go to the supermarket. “Instead of buying a new reusable bag like I...
“Absolutely no one cares about your Spotify Wrapped!” declares man who posts daily screenshots of his Strava data
JOG ON: A Sydney fitness enthusiast has taken to social media today, criticising his followers for sharing their annual Spotify Wrapped results. "Honestly, nobody wants to see a list of your top artists," wrote Dave Phillips. "It's so over indulgent....
#BREAKING: Joe Rogan announced has new co-host of ABC News Breakfast
SWING TO THE RIGHT: In a surprising twist, controversial US podcaster Joe Rogan has accepted an offer from the ABC to co-host its flagship morning program, ABC News Breakfast. The announcement comes only one week after the ABC Chair Kim...
Flat chested white woman calling for name change of ‘Flat White’ coffee
HATE SPEECH: A flat chested local woman has begun a campaign to change the name of 'flat white' coffees. Miranda Coombes says she enjoys flat white coffees, but gets embarrassed every time she tries to order one. "I feel the...
