National News
St George Illawarra Dragons Announce Margaret Court As New Club CEO
The St George Illawarra Rugby League club has today announced that controversial Australia tennis legend Margaret Court will replace Ryan Webb as the club's CEO. "I've long been a Dragon's fan," says Court. "Now I'm looking forward to playing a...
PM Announces Extension Of JobSeeker Payment For All Former MAFS Contestants
Canberra has today announced an extension of the JobSeeker payment for all former contestants of the hit reality TV show Married At First Sight. "These people need our help," says Scott Morrison. "After appearing on the show, their job prospects...
Uber Launches New Dating App For Single Drivers and Passengers
Ride share company Uber is diversifying into the lucrative dating industry. Uber has launched a new app called Uber Single, exclusively for single drivers and passengers. "It's very similar to regular Uber, but for single people only," says Uber's CEO...
Tennis Australia Gives Players In Hotel Quarantine ‘Wii Tennis’ For Training Purposes
Aussie tennis ace Bernard Tomic says his Australian Open training schedule is 'almost back on track' after being given a Nintendo console with Wii Tennis on it. "Officials from Tennis Australia gave me the console early this morning and I've already...
Melbourne Man Stuck O/S Starts Intensive Tennis Lessons To Qualify For Next Year’s Australian Open
A Melbourne born man whose been stranded in London since March has hired the coach of British tennis star Andy Murray, in a desperate bid to qualify for the 2022 Australian Open. "It could be my only way into Australia,"...
Calls For Novak Djokovic To Be Kept In Hotel Quarantine On A Permanent Basis
There are growing calls today for world number 1 tennis player Novak Djokovic to remain in lockdown on a permanent basis. It comes as 72 players remain in hotel quarantine after they flew into Melbourne for the Australian Open with...
#BREAKING: Donald Trump Joins The One Nation Political Party
Voted out of office, abandoned by his own party and impeached twice, the outgoing US President is being handed a much needed political lifeline today. Donald Trump is heading down under after being unveiled as the One Nation party's newest...
Local Angry White Boomer Offended By Coon Cheese Rebrand
A local Anglo Saxon baby boomer is today expressing his disgust over the rebrand of a cheese he's never eaten. It remains unclear exactly how Harry McCormack could get so riled up about the name change, but he's spent a...
WA Premier Announces Mandatory 14-Day Quarantine For All Newborn Babies
Western Australia's Premier has announced a controversial new social distancing measure, effectively separating mother and baby at birth. "From next Tuesday, all new arrivals into WA will have to quarantine for 2 weeks," says Mark McGowan. "If they test negative...
‘Banning Trump Is Censorship,’ Says Government Which Tried Stopping ABC Reporting War Crimes
The Federal government is attacking Twitter over censorship claims, despite Canberra's draconian move last year to censor the ABC from reporting war crimes by Australian soldiers. "Generally speaking, I'm not a fan of censorship, but it's OK when the Federal...
