National News
RELIEF: Fresh barrage of reality TV prevents local woman from thinking about her own meaningless life
IDIOT BOX: A local woman has once again taken the bait set by the major commercial television networks. With TV ratings season back in full swing, Sydney's Jamie Pulver has gone into hiding under a soothing blanket of countless hours...
“Aussie Aussie Aussie, oi oi oi!” yells man waving 10 cent Australian flag, made in China
"The Australian made flags were a bit too expensive," he says. AUSSIE PRIDE: Lunch hasn't even been served, but a Sydney man is already letting loose at an Australia Day BBQ today. "I tried chatting to a few people here...
Qantas CEO blames emergency landing on passenger who didn’t switch phone to flight mode
FIGHT OR FLIGHT: Qantas is now claiming a passenger is responsible for its rare mayday call that led to the emergency landing at Sydney airport. The passenger on board flight QF144 from Auckland reportedly forgot to switch their phone to...
BUNCH OF TOOLS: Bunnings now hosting birthday parties for men aged 45 & over
SCREW LOOSE: DIY retailer Bunnings is to seize a slice of the birthday event market by catering to middle-aged men. "From next month we're holding parties at our several stores around the country," Bunnings CEO John McGuinness told DBT. "We even...
PissFit: Fitness First now offering drinking endurance classes in preparation for silly season
NO PAIN, NO GAIN: With two weeks until Christmas, global gym chain Fitness First has begun offering new endurance based training classes. "Our new instructor-led PissFit programme aims to increase our members' alcohol tolerance," says gym CEO Miles Harris. "It's...
Introvert delays leaving home by 5 minutes to avoid 10 second chat with his neighbour
TIME WELL SPENT: A Sydney introvert who was already running late for work today further delayed leaving his unit, in a desperate bid to avoid his neighbour. "I was about to go when I heard him in the hallway, so...
‘Check out how hot I’d be if I looked completely different’ says man posting AI selfie
DEEP FAKE: An average looking man has staged a dramatic overhaul thanks to a complex AI image generation tool. Richard Lawson has joined the flood of social media users posting highly flattering anime-inspired photos created by the image editing app...