Sydney Company Bans Small Talk At Work, In Desperate Bid To Lure Staff Back Into The Office

EFFICIENCY GAINS: Workers engaging in small talk at a local law firm face instant dismissal, after the company’s CEO implemented a ban on generic office banter.

“People are choosing to continue to work from home to avoid unnecessary chit chat about non-work related matters,” says CEO Malcolm Sartori.

“But we want them back in the office as the pandemic eases.”

Staff who spoke to DBT say they’re welcoming the move.

“It’s great to be back in the office and not feel obliged to treat colleagues like friends,” says one worker.

“When co-workers ask how I am going, there’s only so many times I’m prepared to say: ‘Not bad for a Friday.'”

A senior manager at the firm says she’s saving at least one hour per day avoiding small talk.

“Normally I can’t delegate a task to a colleague without first talking to them about the weather for a few minutes. It’s punishing for everyone involved.”

The firm says one staff member has already been fired under the new rules, after asking someone if they watched MAFS on Wednesday night.