National News
Queen Elizabeth Announces Move Into Granny Flat At Harry & Meghan’s
A grieving Queen Elizabeth has arrived in California where she'll take up residence at a granny flat in Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's backyard. "Ultimately I would love to stay in the UK, but Buckingham Palace is way too big...
PM Intervenes: Scott Morrison Orders Bryce From MAFS To Undergo Empathy Training
As Federal Parliament continues to erupt with allegations of harassment and abuse against women, the PM has now begun extending disciplinary action outside the Canberra bubble. Scott Morrison has ordered Bryce Ruthven from Married At First Sight to undergo a...
Nation In Crisis: Australians Discover that MAFS Is Not On Tonight
Australian TV viewers have been left in shock today upon discovering the normal MAFS Sunday slugfest is not on tonight. "What the hell?" said one woman. "What do they expect me to do, watch 60 Minutes or something?" The Nine...
Blackmores Introduce New 2 in 1 Multivitamin + Covid Vaccine
Australian health supplements company Blackmores has begun marketing a new Covid Vaccine alternative. "Taken once daily, our new Multivitamin plus Covid vaccine supplement acts as guaranteed protection against Coronavirus," says Blackmores CEO John Welsh. "It also contains the key vitamins...
Brisbane Easter Bunnies Restricted To Leaving One Egg Per Four Square Metres
Tough new Covid restrictions in Brisbane will limit the activities of Easter bunnies, as residents hope the city's lockdown comes to an end today. "We're trying our hardest to make Easter a safe and healthy time for everyone," says QLD...
#BREAKING: Ghislaine Maxwell Appointed Federal Minister For Women
The woman accused of grooming young girls to engage in sex acts with US financier Jeffrey Epstein will be moving to Canberra for a spot on the coalition front bench. The Prime Minister has just announced that Ghislaine Maxwell has...
Man Wearing T-Shirt & Blazer Now Offering Generic Business Advice
A Sydney man wearing a t-shirt and blazer is embarking on a career as a business coach. It's unclear what qualifications Reece Tanner has, but he talks a lot about chasing dreams and self-realisation. "Find out what you want, and do whatever it takes...
Local Boomers Escape Sydney Traffic By Taking Cruise Ship Holiday In Suez Canal
A retired Sydney couple who say they're sick and tired of the constant Sydney traffic have taken drastic steps to escape the rat race. Barry and Kate Hoxton are onboard a P&O cruise ship, touring Egypt's Suez Canal. "We knew...
Canberra Parliamentary Staff Turn Up To Work In Full PPE
A group of around 50 political staffers have arrived at Parliament House in Canberra decked out in full personal protective equipment (PPE). "It's a hassle wearing all this stuff, but I'm not taking any chances," says one worker. It comes...
PM Calls Up Jarryd Hayne For Spot On The Front Bench
The Prime Minister has named former NRL superstar Jarryd Hayne as Australia's new Minister for Sport. "We're excited and proud that Jarryd has agreed to serve on our front bench," says Scott Morrison. "We believe Jarryd has a big future...
