SHIT PLAN: The Prime Minister has begun unveiling some much needed details about Australia’s plan to achieve net zero carbon emissions by 2050.

“We all need to do everything we can to reduce harmful gas emissions,” says Scott Morrison. “And that includes me farting and shitting in my pants.”

The PM famously shat himself at Engadine Maccas in the hours after the Cronulla Sharks lost the 1997 NRL Grand Final.

“We know human faeces contains potentially dangerous levels of carbon dioxide and methane,” he says.

“And that’s why all human waste must be appropriately deposited in toilets to flow safely into the sewerage system.”

As the UN climate summit in Glasgow came to an end last week, the PM came under fire for giving few details about Australia’s net zero plan.

But he says his pledge to stop shitting himself is a “practical start.”

“And I urge all Australians make the same commitment.”