Featured
Coward Punchers Celebrate The Removal Of Sydney’s Lockout Laws
A group of unfairly persecuted hyper-aggressive men are celebrating tonight, after the state government announced the removal of Sydney's lockout laws. "It's been a long time coming," says violent offender Jayden Amari. "We've been lobbying hard for our right to...
Pell Requests To Be Held In Juvenile Detention Ahead Of His Final Appeal
Disgraced Cardinal George Pell has made a formal request to the High Court to be transferred to juvenile detention. "This is a safety issue," claims Pell's legal team. "Our client says he would feel more comfortable around young offenders." It...
PM Leads Special Prayers For The Bushfires To Steer Clear Of Australia’s Coal Mines
As bushfires ravage parts of NSW and QLD, the Prime Minister conducted a special prayer service on behalf of the coal mining industry. Scott Morrison led an early morning service at the Horizon Pentecostal Christian Church in the Sutherland Shire....
#BREAKING: Paul ‘Fatty’ Vautin Announced As New Host Of The Today Show
The television industry is in shock today after Channel Nine announced that Paul 'Fatty' Vautin will be the Today show's new host alongside Allison Langdon. "We are very excited to have Fatty back on air at Channel Nine," says Nine...
South Africans Dominating Double Bay Street Festival After Springbok Victory
The Double Bay Street Festival is being heavily dominated by South African born locals, after the Springbok's resounding World Cup Victory last night. "There's many people from St Ives here today," says Springbok fan Lyle Wasner. "It's a great day...
Woolworths’ 350 Person HR Department Not Big Enough To Ensure Correct Staff Payments
Woolworths has announced a planned increase to its human resources department following revelations that almost 6000 of the company's staff have been underpaid. "Obviously our 350-person HR department here at Woolworths HQ has dropped the ball," says Woolies CEO Mike...
Nation Which Invented Rugby Now Appears To Finally Know How To Play The Game
The nation which invented Rugby in 1823 has finally shown that it may actually know how to play the game at this year's World Cup in Japan. On Saturday, the English Rugby team is making an unlikely appearance in the...
Wallabies Coach Unable To Hear Calls For His Resignation Due To Severe Cauliflower Ears
Doctors say Michael Cheika's cauliflower ears are preventing him from hearing the growing calls for him to step down as Wallabies Coach. The former lock developed a severe case of cauliflower ears during the 90's while playing for Randwick and...
Fitness First Adds Toilet Bowls To Treadmills For Poo Joggers Who Prefer Training Indoors
Gym chain Fitness First has announced its trialing toilet bowls next to treadmills in a bid to appeal to growing numbers of poo joggers. "Not all poo joggers want to train outside," says Fitness First CEO Tim Casey. "So we're...
Thick Smoke Plume Hangs Over Canberra As Stoners Try To Forget About NRL Grand Final Loss
The Canberra Raiders' loss to the Sydney Roosters in last night's NRL grand final has helped trigger a thick blanket of smoke hanging above the ACT. "We're seeing very smokey conditions around Canberra today, and potential remains for another smokey...
