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Local Drug Dealer Gives Up Selling Amphetamines And Moves Into Toilet Paper
A Sydney drug dealer has moved into the lucrative new black market for toilet paper. "The mark up on this stuff is incredible at the moment," Marcus Shore told DBT. "I know a few other drug dealers who are now...
Sydney Couple Hoping The Coronavirus Triggers A Housing Market Crash
Married couple Michael and Martha Zaman say Sydney's house price boom has completely locked them out of the property market. "We can barely afford rent on our one bedroom unit to be honest," says Michael. "Most of our friends are...
Coles Releases Toilet Paper ‘Stockpile Special’ As Coronavirus Panic Buying Escalates
Retail giant Coles is moving quickly to cater to increased panic buying among consumers, as coronavirus fears spread. Across the country supermarket shelves are being stripped bare, as Australians start stocking up on essentials such as toilet paper. "Demand for...
US President Admits To Stockpiling Fake Tan As Coronavirus Fears Escalate
The US President has come clean about his strategy of panic buying fake tan in preparation for the coronavirus outbreak. "If there's something you need, you might as well stock up on it," says Donald Trump. "Whether its food, essential...
Coconut Water Supplies Run Dry At Bondi Supermarkets As Coronavirus Panic Buying Begins
If you're thinking about buying coconut water in Bondi, think again. Supermarkets and convenience stores in the popular suburb are completely out of coconut water, as locals worried about Coronavirus begin stockpiling food and other essentials. "Coconut water is the...
Barnaby Joyce Calls For Inquiry Into Why The RPA Baboon Can Get Away With Having Two Wives
Barnaby Joyce is calling for an inquiry into why it's acceptable for some species to have multiple partners. "But for humans it's like the ultimate sin," says the Nationals PM. "It's not fair, we need consistency across the board." Yesterday...
#BREAKING: Gwyneth Paltrow Announces Cure For Coronavirus
American actress and businesswoman Gwyneth Paltrow has announced a breakthrough cure for the deadly Coronavirus. "It's an all natural tonic combining ginger, lemon, turmeric and a few other ingredients I'm not yet willing to divulge," she says. The high profile...
#BREAKING: PM Announces Andrew Bolt As Chairman Of Bushfire Royal Commission
The Prime Minister has announced that Sky News TV host and commentator Andrew Bolt will lead the upcoming Royal Commission into the recent horror bushfire season. "The federal government is honoured to have such a pre-eminent journalist on board as...
“Sorry, It Was Unintentional,” Says Coles Shopper Who Admits To Underpaying For His Groceries
A self-checkout shopper has apologised to Coles after admitting to underpaying for his groceries. "It wasn't theft," claims homeless man John Thomas. "It was just an honest mistake." It's understood Mr Thomas unintentionally scanned avocados as carrots at the self-checkout,...
Facebook Glitch Sees $52M Raised By Celeste Barber Going To Victims Of Fyre Festival
Social media giant Facebook has apologised for a tech glitch preventing bushfire victims from receiving much-needed charity funds. The $52 million dollars raised by comedian Celeste Barber in a Facebook fundraiser was instead allocated to victims of the fraudulent luxury...
