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Local Woman Staying 1.5m From Her Husband At All Times
A Sydney woman is using the coronavirus pandemic as an excuse not to touch her husband. "Matt and I have been socially distancing for the last two months," says Sonya Doman. "I know infection rates are low, but I just...
Man Doing ‘Push-Up Challenge’ To Show Off Triceps Instead Of Supporting Mental Health
A Melbourne man has admitted to taking part in a fundraising event purely to show off his arm muscles. The Push-Up Challenge asks Australians to push ups to raise money for mental health. "I didn't even know it was a...
Activewear Brand Lorna Jane Releases New ‘CoronaWear’ Line
Australian activewear brand Lorna Jane has released a new line specifically designed for the coronavirus lockdown. "We saw early on that activewear sales were booming, so we figured there's a market for clothes specifically designed for the ISO 'working from...
“The Wuhan Wet Market Is Much Safer Than Australian Beef,” Says China’s President
China's hopes of being treated like a genuine first world country have taken another turn for the worse. The communist nation yesterday suddenly announced the suspension of imports from four Australian red meat abattoirs, over "labelling and health certificate requirements."...
“Who Will Tell Us What To Think?” Boomers Fear Future Without Alan Jones
The nation's boomers are lamenting today's shock retirement of veteran broadcaster Alan Jones. The conservative talkback host announced he's quitting radio sooner than expected. "It's upsetting to be honest," says one 68 year old woman. "We don't use the internet...
2GB Management Thank Alan Jones For “Retiring” So They Didn’t Have To Sack Him
Management at radio station 2GB say they're grateful that Alan Jones has agreed to end his controversial radio broadcasting career. "We agreed to let him save face by announcing his retirement," says 2GB executive Henry Hammer. "But to be honest,...
Local Introvert Forced To Think Of New Excuses To Avoid Social Activity
As the Covid-19 pandemic eases, a local introvert is turning his attention to new excuses for not socialising. "Saying 'sorry, I have to run errands' just hasn't got the same ring to it," says Peter Kremer. "Coronavirus was literally the...
China Employs Marie Kondo To Help Clean Up Controversial Wuhan Laboratory
She's built a reputation for helping desperate home owners organise their bedrooms. But now Marie Kondo has been employed by Beijing to help clean up the Wuhan laboratory, where some claim coronavirus originated. "I've been asked by Beijing to help...
Andrew Forrest Eats Bat Soup On Tour Of Controversial Wuhan Wet Market
Australian mining billionaire Andrew Forrest has toured the Wuhan wet market which is thought to be ground zero of the coronavirus. "A few hours ago I ate some bat soup here. It was a taste sensation and to be honest,...
PM Launches New App Which Notifies Users Who Come Within 1.5m Of An NRL Player
The federal government has launched a second mobile phone app aimed at containing the spread of Covid-19. The app - called 'NRLSafe' - notifies users when they come within 1.5m of an NRL player. "I'm urging everyone to download this...
