Analysis
Politician Nobody Takes Seriously Banned From TV Show Nobody Watches
A poor excuse for a politician has been axed from appearing on a breakfast TV show that nobody watches. Pauline Hanson was banned from The Today Show after she made offensive statements on air about residents trapped in nine Melbourne...
Victorians Given 24 Hours To Scramble Into New South Wales
Hundreds of thousands of Victorians have begun a mad rush to cross the border into New South Wales this morning. Traffic around border towns is already building rapidly, only minutes after authorities announced the border between the two states will...
Donald Trump Announces Plan To Become A World Famous Rapper
The US President has shocked the world announcing his intention to become a famous rapper. "Think Eminem meets 50c," wrote Donald Trump on Twitter. "I'm going to be bigger than Kanye West." Political analysts say the President's declaration is an...
Queen Spotted Visiting Ghislaine Maxwell’s Prison With Suspicious Looking Rope
Queen Elizabeth has been photographed visiting the USA prison where Ghislaine Maxwell is being held after her arrest by the FBI on Thursday. The DBT photographer who took the photo overheard the Queen asking a prison guard which jail cell...
Tinder Announces Ban On Users In Victoria In Bid To Slow Spread Of Covid-19
Victorian Tinder users say they're outraged after being excluded from the platform as the state's Covid crisis worsens. "It's blatant discrimination," says one Melbourne Tinder user. "I don't even know anyone who has Covid and yet I'm being treated like...
Victoria’s Premier Announces Limit On Hotel Quarantine Orgies To A Maximum Of 5 People
As questions mount over the effectiveness of Victoria’s hotel quarantine procedures, the state’s premier has announced new measures aimed at slowing the spread of Covid-19. “Today I’m announcing that hotel quarantine group sex will be limited to no more that...
Big Brother Fan Favourite Angela Lands Lucrative Lip Gloss Sponsorship Deal
She was brutally evicted from the Big Brother house last night, but fan favourite Angela Clancy is today having the last laugh. Dubbed 'queen of the house' by fans, the 38 year old has secured a lucrative sponsorship deal with...
“Stop Being Such Absolute Battlers” PM Lashes Out At Toilet Paper Hoarders
A fired up Prime Minster has once again lashed out at supermarket shoppers hoarding toilet paper, as fears rise of a second Coronavirus outbreak. "Seriously, we've been though this once already," says Scott Morrison. "There are no toilet paper supply...
Calls To Rename ‘Froot Loops’ Cereal To Avoid Offending People With Mental Illness
Mental health groups are calling for an urgent renaming of the popular children's breakfast cereal 'Froot Loops.' "All too often, the term 'fruit loop' is used to describe someone with a mental illness," says one activist. "The cereal is spelt...
Morally Bankrupt TV Network Hires Conservative, Washed Up Host With Zero Credibility
An elderly self-serving commentator still desperate for attention has signed an exclusive deal with subscription TV channel Sky News to host a weeknight primetime program. Alan Jones will front his show - called 'Alan Jones' - at 8pm four nights...
