Analysis

Donald Trump Announces Plan To Become A World Famous Rapper

The US President has shocked the world announcing his intention to become a famous rapper. "Think Eminem meets 50c," wrote Donald Trump on Twitter. "I'm going to be bigger than Kanye West." Political analysts say the President's declaration is an...
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Queen Spotted Visiting Ghislaine Maxwell’s Prison With Suspicious Looking Rope

Queen Elizabeth has been photographed visiting the USA prison where Ghislaine Maxwell is being held after her arrest by the FBI on Thursday. The DBT photographer who took the photo overheard the Queen asking a prison guard which jail cell...
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Tinder Announces Ban On Users In Victoria In Bid To Slow Spread Of Covid-19

Victorian Tinder users say they're outraged after being excluded from the platform as the state's Covid crisis worsens. "It's blatant discrimination," says one Melbourne Tinder user. "I don't even know anyone who has Covid and yet I'm being treated like...
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Victoria’s Premier Announces Limit On Hotel Quarantine Orgies To A Maximum Of 5 People 

As questions mount over the effectiveness of Victoria’s hotel quarantine procedures, the state’s premier has announced new measures aimed at slowing the spread of Covid-19. “Today I’m announcing that hotel quarantine group sex will be limited to no more that...
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Big Brother Fan Favourite Angela Lands Lucrative Lip Gloss Sponsorship Deal

She was brutally evicted from the Big Brother house last night, but fan favourite Angela Clancy is today having the last laugh. Dubbed 'queen of the house' by fans, the 38 year old has secured a lucrative sponsorship deal with...
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“Stop Being Such Absolute Battlers” PM Lashes Out At Toilet Paper Hoarders

A fired up Prime Minster has once again lashed out at supermarket shoppers hoarding toilet paper, as fears rise of a second Coronavirus outbreak. "Seriously, we've been though this once already," says Scott Morrison. "There are no toilet paper supply...
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Calls To Rename ‘Froot Loops’ Cereal To Avoid Offending People With Mental Illness

Mental health groups are calling for an urgent renaming of the popular children's breakfast cereal 'Froot Loops.' "All too often, the term 'fruit loop' is used to describe someone with a mental illness," says one activist. "The cereal is spelt...
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Morally Bankrupt TV Network Hires Conservative, Washed Up Host With Zero Credibility

An elderly self-serving commentator still desperate for attention has signed an exclusive deal with subscription TV channel Sky News to host a weeknight primetime program. Alan Jones will front his show - called 'Alan Jones' - at 8pm four nights...
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New Zealand PM Announces ‘All Blacks’ To Be Renamed ‘Some Blacks’

The New Zealand Prime Minister has announced the country's national Rugby Union team will change its name in a push for racial equality. "From today New Zealand's Rugby team will be officially known as the 'Some Blacks," says Jacinda Ardern....
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#BREAKING: Woolworths Stops Stocking Charcoal Masks Amid Racism Fears

Supermarket giant Woolworths announced that charcoal, mud and clay masks are no longer available within its stores. "We believe some customers may be using the masks in an attempt to depict a person of colour," says a statement from Woolworths....
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