Analysis
Dan Andrews Hires External Communications Team To Read Hotel Quarantine Inquiry Report
The Victorian Premier has hired an external communications team to read and analyse the 315 page hotel quarantine inquiry report which was tabled in parliament today. "It's a busy time for me leading up to Christmas," says Dan Andrews. "Plus...
Afghan Asylum Seekers Bound For Sydney Turn Back After Reading About Covid Outbreak
A desperate bid to escape poverty, war and oppression in Afghanistan has been cut dramatically short. Around 55 Afghan asylum seekers on a boat bound for Sydney have decided to turn around after hearing about the Northern Beaches covid cluster....
Zoom Chat Held By Anti-5G Activists Cut Short Due To Slow Internet
"The NBN is a joke," they say. A group of 5G conspiracy theorists attempting a Zoom call yesterday, have failed dismally. "The bloody internet kept dropping out," one of them told DBT. "The NBN is such crap. It's like living...
NSW Premier Declines Invite To Family Christmas Lunch To Avoid Questions About Her Love Life
The NSW Premier will be spending Christmas day alone, after declining an invite from her mother to attend the annual Berejiklian Christmas lunch. "The Armenians are pretty hectic when it comes to probing personal questions," says Gladys Berejiklian. "I just...
“I Promise I Have Covid,” Says Ellen, Looking For Excuse To Stop Producing Her Crappy Show
US talk show queen Ellen DeGeneres says she's contracted Covid-19, forcing a halt in production of her show. "It's such a shame," she tweeted overnight. "Ratings for Ellen are so high at the moment, but I'm left with no choice....
Covid Vaccine To Be Administered To Bondi Residents In Powder Form, Snorted Off An iPhone
Early signs of community resistance to getting the Covid-19 vaccine has led authorities to consider new ways of administering the drug. "Our research has found Bondi residents are happy to snort basically anything that comes their way on an iPhone,"...
Morrison Government Enlists Pauline Hanson To Help Create Anti-China Memes
The federal government has formed a new coalition with One Nation's Pauline Hanson, united in their goal to create anti-China memes. The new meme taskforce - which also includes Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton - will be supported by the...
Scott Morrison Posts Fake Photo To Twitter Of Wuhan Lab Worker Making Covid-19
Australia and China's diplomatic tensions have escalated after Scott Morrison posted a doctored photo of a Wuhan Lab worker making Covid-19. China's Communist government has labelled the image "repugnant" and "deeply offensive." "I can't believe The Australian PM would sink...
Chinese Official Posts Photo Of Scott Morrison Taking Dump At Engadine McDonalds
China has unveiled a never before seen photo of Scott Morrison taking a dump at Engadine McDonalds in 1997. China's Foreign Ministry spokesman Zhao Lijian posted the photo a short time ago on Twitter. "This photo was taken shortly after...
‘Emily in Paris’ Is A Cliche Portrayal Of France, Says Hipster Buying Croissants At Redfern Coles
Fashion-focused comedy drama 'Emily in Paris' is grabbing the attention of Netflix subscribers around the world. But one man from inner Sydney says he was bitterly disappointed by the series. "Its portrayal of Paris is so stereotypical," says Redfern's Drew...
