Analysis

Elon Musk To Re-Claim Title Of ‘Richest Person On Earth’ While Jeff Bezos Is In Space

Elon Musk knows what it feels like to be the richest person on earth. He's desperate to feel it again. That's why the 50 year old is set to re-claim the title when Jeff Bezos goes into space later today....
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Ch 7 Announce Pauline Hanson As Replacement For Katie Hopkins On Celebrity Big Brother

One Nation Leader Pauline Hanson has agreed to take Katie Hopkins' spot on Celebrity Big Brother, it's been confirmed. "We're relieved and excited Pauline has accepted our offer," says Seven programming executive Mike Hanley. "We need another far-right, racist type...
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Sydney Cocaine Dealer Now Also Offering Illegal Home Visit Haircuts

BLACK MARKET: As Sydney enters its third week of lockdown, a local cocaine dealer is taking advantage of hair salon closures by also offering illegal home visit haircuts. "It's a handy two in one service," says Tony Werkhoven. "I'm in...
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PM Reveals Australia’s Confronting New Covid Advert Was Directed By Stephen King

FEAR FACTOR: Legendary horror writer Stephen King was the brains behind the federal government's confronting new TV advertisement warning about the dangers of Covid-19. The 30 second clip shows a terrified young woman struggling to breath on a ventilator. "Obviously...
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Western Sydney Warning: Wearing Adidas Tracksuits Does Not Count As Doing Essential Exercise

The NSW Premier has issued a stern warning to residents of Western Sydney, as the city's Covid outbreak grows. "Leaving home in an Adidas tracksuit without any plans to do any actual exercise is a breach of public health orders,"...
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Beauty & Cosmetic Clinic Closures Forcing More People To Wear Face Masks: Report

New research shows a dramatic rise in the number of people wearing face masks is not linked to fears about Coronavirus. "It's due to the ongoing closures of cosmetic and beauty clinics," says Lin Harmen from consumer group Choice. "People...
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Man Who Loves Working From Home Pretending To Be Sad About Extended Lockdown

A local sales executive is flexing his acting skills today, pretending to be upset about the extended lockdown set to be announced by the NSW Premier. "I'm really missing all of you guys," Ben Hutton told colleagues on this morning's...
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Major Supermarkets Join Forces To Launch ‘Toilet Paper Near Me’ App

Supermarket shoppers have been given a new weapon in the fight for toilet paper. A new app called 'Toilet Paper Near Me' allows consumers to easily see which supermarkets currently have toilet paper in stock. "As panic buying continues in...
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Eastern Suburbs Residents Panic Buying Activewear In Preparation For Lockdown

Activewear retailers are reporting a sales spike in Sydney's east, as residents prepare for the week-long lockdown taking effect at midnight. Queues are building up around several activewear stores today, as shoppers rush to buy what's become the lockdown clothing...
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NSW Government Now Using Powerball Machine To Determine Daily Covid Numbers

The Covid-19 new daily infection rate is the all important number we rely on to help track our success in the fight against the killer virus. But amid increasing uncertainty and confusion over how the numbers are gathered, the state...
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