Analysis
Prime Minister Extends Mandatory Isolation Period For People With Covid To 14 Days
ELECTION TACTICS: As the second week of the election campaign comes to a close, the Prime Minister has announced tough new covid isolation rules. "All Australians infected with the virus will now have to isolate for 14 days, up from...
HEADLINE ACT: PM Attempts To Woo Voters At Bluesfest With His Ukulele
POLITICIAN FEST: The Prime Minister has attempted to one-up his rival by making an appearance on stage during the final night of the Byron Bay Bluesfest music festival. While last night Anthony Albanese welcomed Aussie rock icon Jimmy Barnes to...
New Report Lists Sydney Airport As Australia’s Most Popular Easter Getaway
SHIT SHOW: Sydney airport has been named as Australia's most popular Easter holiday destination, as chronic staff shortages and a flood of travellers cause heavy delays. "Our report shows many travellers are spending more time at Sydney Airport than their...
Prime Minister Calls Olivia From MAFS To Recommend An Empathy Consultant
HELPING HAND: Australia's Prime Minister has personally reached out to Married At First Sight 'villain' Olivia Frazer. "Hi Olivia, I'm the Prime Minister Scott Morrison, and I think I may be able to help you." he said at the start...
Man Updates His LinkedIn Bio To Include ‘Speaker,’ After Getting A Job In Telemarketing
ALL TALK: A local call centre worker has been accused of severely exaggerating his job description. Last week Tristan Micallef started a new job taking inbound customer service calls at Telstra. His only previous job was a furniture salesman. But...
Will Smith Wins Best Actor Award At The Oscars For His Chris Rock Slapping Performance
SLAPSTICK: Hollywood star Will Smith has capped off a successful night at the Oscars, winning best actor for his Chris Rock slap. "I thought the slapping scene went really well," Smith said in his acceptance speech tonight. "As a film...
Local Satire Writers Frustrated With Ash Barty For Giving Them Zero To Work With
HUMBLE HERO: Tennis ace Ash Barty is causing headaches for satire writers around the country today Months after winning the Australian Open, she's shocked the tennis world by making the decision to retire from the sport at just 25 years...
Sydney Company Bans Small Talk At Work, In Desperate Bid To Lure Staff Back Into The Office
EFFICIENCY GAINS: Workers engaging in small talk at a local law firm face instant dismissal, after the company's CEO implemented a ban on generic office banter. "People are choosing to continue to work from home to avoid unnecessary chit chat...
PM’s Media Team Pre-Screening Flood Victims To Ensure They’ll Agree To Shake His Hand
SET PIECE: Scott Morrison’s media team has adopted a new strategy to avoid awkward on camera exchanges similar to when bushfire victims refused to shake his hand in 2020. As the PM visits flood affected areas of NSW today, his...
#BREAKING: Covid Positive Man Fined For Leaving His Home During Rising Flood Waters
COSTLY EVACUATION: A Sydney man has been fined $1000 for leaving his flooded home while covid positive. Yesterday Graham Flaherty evacuated his house in Sydney's north, as flood waters continued to rise. "I was trying to get my valuables out,...
