Analysis
#BREAKING: Gladys Berejiklian’s Ex-Boyfriend Is Now Reportedly Dating Annastasia Palaszczuk
NEW ROMANCE: A Sydney corruption inquiry has been told that disgraced former NSW MP Daryl Maguire is now dating Queensland Premier Annastasia Palaszczuk. The inquiry heard that border closures are currently preventing the pair from seeing each other, but they...
EXCLUSIVE: Bachelorette Leaves Show Empty Handed, As All Contestants Pair Up With Each Other
THIRD TIME UNLUCKY: Reality TV star Brooke Blurton's third attempted at finding love on TV has failed, DBT can confirm. We can reveal exclusively that the 16 Bachelors and Bachelorettes vying for Brooke's heart all ended up hooking up with...
Introverts Launch Petition Calling For Permanent Ban On Kiss, Hug & Handshake Greetings
SOCIAL DILEMMA: A group of Sydney introverts have started an online petition calling for a permanent end to kiss, hug and handshake greetings. "It's actually nothing to do with Coronavirus," says group manager Lyle Tookley. "We just think physical greetings...
FREEDOM DAY: Pub Goers Realise That Drinking With Friends On Zoom Is More Fun & Convenient
FACE TIME: Pubs in NSW flung open their doors for the first time in four months today, but many patrons say they are left feeling underwhelmed. "I forgot what a hassle it is to get all dressed up and drive...
#BREAKING: Seven Network Give Sam Frost New Role As The Sunrise Cash Cow
DAMAGE CONTROL: Home and Away star Sam Frost has begun preparing for her new on-screen role, after tearfully revealing her decision to remain unvaccinated. "We're currently doing rehearsals with Sam to prepare her to work as the Sunrise Cash Cow,"...
Sydney Woman Employs Computer Hackers To Secure Her A Table At Catalina For Freedom Day
FREEDOM DAY HACK: Desperate times call for desperate measures. After three unsuccessful weeks of trying to secure a booking at Catalina on Freedom Day, a Darling Point woman is taking matters into her own hands. "I've hired a team of...
Man Now Only Dating Unvaccinated Women To Save On Restaurant Bills
CHEAP DATE: A Melbourne man has found a clever way to save money during the pandemic. David Druitt is now only dating unvaccinated women, as a strategic way to avoid expensive restaurant and bar bills. "Unvaccinated people can only go...
#BREAKING: Britney Spears Is Finally Freed Of Her Fitness First Membership
FREE BRITNEY: After a year-long legal battle against multinational gym chain Fitness First, Britney Spears is finally free. A Los Angeles judge has ordered the gym to immediately end the pop star's two-year membership. "Fitness First's strict lock-in contract was...
QLD Premier Slowly Realising That Being A Power Tripping Bully Doesn’t Necessarily Stop Covid
The Queensland Premier is reportedly trying to come to terms with the harsh reality that draconian border closures and a bad attitude won't necessarily stop Covid. "Damn, I was pretty sure that locking up the state and tearing families apart...
Woman Asking For Recommendations On Facebook, Clearly Just Looking For Social Activity
REACHING OUT: A Sydney woman is being accused of trying to drum up social activity, under the guise of asking for recommendations on Facebook. "Hey FB fam," Sarah Marsh's status update began. "Anyone know of an alterations place open in...
