Analysis
NSW Police Commissioner Wants Face Masks Banned Due To ‘Security Concerns’
The NSW Wales Police Commissioner says he's "deeply concerned" about the rapid take up of face masks to reduce the spread of Covid-19. "I understand, there are potential health benefits, but the masks also trigger very real security concerns," says...
NSW Introverts Applaud New Ban On Dancing, Singing & Mingling At Events
Introverts are expressing relief about new social distancing measures introduced today by the NSW government. "We applaud the ban on dancing, singing and mingling at events," says local introvert Gavin Edwards. "They are all very high risk activities." Gavin Edwards...
“Daniel Andrews Is Doing An Excellent Job,” Says China’s President
China's President has jumped to the defence of embattled Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews. "Mr Andrews is doing an excellent job," says Xi Jinping through an interpreter. "China's Communist party commends him for his measured and timely response to Covid-19." The...
‘There Is No Coronavirus In Double Bay Is There?’ Ask Golden Sheaf Revellers
Residents of Double Bay in Sydney's east say they feel immune to the potentially fatal effects of Covid-19. "I've know there have been thousands of cases in Sydney, but none in any suburbs I've ever heard of," says local man...
Politician Nobody Takes Seriously Banned From TV Show Nobody Watches
A poor excuse for a politician has been axed from appearing on a breakfast TV show that nobody watches. Pauline Hanson was banned from The Today Show after she made offensive statements on air about residents trapped in nine Melbourne...
Victorians Given 24 Hours To Scramble Into New South Wales
Hundreds of thousands of Victorians have begun a mad rush to cross the border into New South Wales this morning. Traffic around border towns is already building rapidly, only minutes after authorities announced the border between the two states will...
Donald Trump Announces Plan To Become A World Famous Rapper
The US President has shocked the world announcing his intention to become a famous rapper. "Think Eminem meets 50c," wrote Donald Trump on Twitter. "I'm going to be bigger than Kanye West." Political analysts say the President's declaration is an...
Queen Spotted Visiting Ghislaine Maxwell’s Prison With Suspicious Looking Rope
Queen Elizabeth has been photographed visiting the USA prison where Ghislaine Maxwell is being held after her arrest by the FBI on Thursday. The DBT photographer who took the photo overheard the Queen asking a prison guard which jail cell...
Tinder Announces Ban On Users In Victoria In Bid To Slow Spread Of Covid-19
Victorian Tinder users say they're outraged after being excluded from the platform as the state's Covid crisis worsens. "It's blatant discrimination," says one Melbourne Tinder user. "I don't even know anyone who has Covid and yet I'm being treated like...
Victoria’s Premier Announces Limit On Hotel Quarantine Orgies To A Maximum Of 5 People
As questions mount over the effectiveness of Victoria’s hotel quarantine procedures, the state’s premier has announced new measures aimed at slowing the spread of Covid-19. “Today I’m announcing that hotel quarantine group sex will be limited to no more that...
