Analysis
Coles Releases Toilet Paper ‘Stockpile Special’ As Coronavirus Panic Buying Escalates
Retail giant Coles is moving quickly to cater to increased panic buying among consumers, as coronavirus fears spread. Across the country supermarket shelves are being stripped bare, as Australians start stocking up on essentials such as toilet paper. "Demand for...
Barnaby Joyce Calls For Inquiry Into Why The RPA Baboon Can Get Away With Having Two Wives
Barnaby Joyce is calling for an inquiry into why it's acceptable for some species to have multiple partners. "But for humans it's like the ultimate sin," says the Nationals PM. "It's not fair, we need consistency across the board." Yesterday...
#BREAKING: PM Announces Andrew Bolt As Chairman Of Bushfire Royal Commission
The Prime Minister has announced that Sky News TV host and commentator Andrew Bolt will lead the upcoming Royal Commission into the recent horror bushfire season. "The federal government is honoured to have such a pre-eminent journalist on board as...
Burger Chain Becomes Healthy & Environmentally Friendly After Adding Green Stripe To Packaging
Fast food outlet Hungry Jacks used to be a run of the mill burger chain, but not anymore. "We've added a green strip to all our packaging," says Hungry Jacks CEO Joel Dooley. "This shows that our food is now...
Nick Kyrgios Deemed A Hero After Not Acting Like A Fuckwit One Time
Has tennis bad boy Nick Kyrgios turned a corner? Tennis commentators say the fiery 24 year old is a “new man” after not acting like a complete fuckwit in his loss to Rafa Nadal last night. “It looks like we...
Corona Wins Sponsorship Of Latest Virus Outbreak In Biggest Advertising Deal Of All Time
The popular saying 'all publicity is good publicity' is being embraced by the Mexican brewer which makes the popular Corona beer brand. Grupo Modelo has signed a $4.6 billion deal with the World Health Organisation for exclusive naming rights of...
Prince Harry & Meghan Markle Launch GoFundMe Page
Less than four days after announcing they're stepping back from senior roles in the Royal family, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have launched a GoFundMe page. "It's just a short term initiative," says Prince Harry. "We just need some funds...
35 Year Old Father Of One Decides To Move Out Of Grandmother’s House
A 35 year old man has made the brave decision to stop living with his grandmother. The man known as 'Harry' told relatives he will still honour his family members but will no longer live near them. "I want to...
#BREAKING: PM Denies Links Between The Bushfires And The Sydney Smoke Haze
Already under severe pressure from the bushfire crisis, the Prime Minister is attempting to deflect mounting pressure from Sydney's lingering smoke haze. In an interview this morning, Scott Morrison claimed the bushfires and the smoke haze are not "necessarily linked."...
Scott Morrison’s Visit To Rural Fire Service Centre Cut Short As Air Conditioning Breaks Down
Scott Morrison has braved sweltering conditions at the Hawkesbury RFS control centre, as he thanked the state's firefighters. The centre's air conditioning system broke down just minutes into the PM's visit. "It's getting very hot in here," he told the...
