Analysis
Man Gaining Arm Strength By Forcefully Shaking Protein Drink Bottle
A local gym junkie claims to have gained 2 cm of muscle on his right arm by regularly shaking his protein drink bottle. "I don't drink much of my protein supplement because I don't want the bottle to become too...
Woman’s Facebook Friend Cull Goes Unnoticed, As Everyone Had Already Unfollowed Her
An Adelaide woman has been left shattered after her bid for attention on Facebook failed dismally. Vivian Clearly's Facebook friend cull last week went completely unnoticed, even among those who survived it. "After my cull, I did a status update...
First Wave Of Tourists Arrive On Ibiza As Global Vaccination Continues
Tourism in Ibiza is ramping up as retires begin letting their hair down after a stressful pandemic. After Spain's tourism minister opened up the party island last week to those who've been vaccinated, thousands of elderly people have been flooding...
Eastern Suburbs Nostril & Sinus Clearing Clinics Overwhelmed, As Nightclubs Set To Re-open
The re-opening of nightclubs announced today by the NSW Premier has had an unexpected knock-on effect. Nostril & sinus clearing clinics in Sydney's east have been overwhelmed by party-goers, as they prepare for a return to the dance floor. "The...
Scott Morrison’s Empathy Coach Gets A Pay Rise After Teaching The PM How To Cry
After successfully crying at a press conference today, the Prime Minister has handed his empathy coach James Fitzgibbon a 3.5% pay rise. "James has done some excellent work teaching me method acting and showing me how to shed a tear...
Andrew Bolt Hosts Panel Discussion With Porter & Pell On Jarryd Hayne Guilty Verdict
Sky News host Andrew Bolt has assembled an all-star cast for a special panel discussion after Jarryd Hayne was found guilty of sexual assault. "This verdict is an absolute joke," Andrew Bolt says in the segment promo. "I believe Jarryd...
Innovative Man Posts Screenshot Of Weather App To Instagram
Instagram followers of Simon Dooley won’t need to check their weather apps today. The 26 year old has taken the ingenious step of sharing a weather app screen shot to Instagram. “I just thought it would be a useful thing...
Police Commissioner Calls For Mandatory Filming Of All Sexual Encounters To Ensure Consent
The NSW Police Commissioner says filming all sexual encounters may be the only truly viable way of avoiding legal complications around sexual consent. "Everyone has a mobile phone," says Mick Fuller. "Hold it yourself, or put it on a tripod...
Police Commissioner Announces Plan To Create Sex Consent Form Within Service NSW App
The NSW Police Commissioner says the Service NSW app is the perfect place to house a sex consent form. "The app has already been instrumental in Covid-19 contact tracing," says Mick Fuller. "We can also now use it to help...
Point Piper Man Blames His Shocking Golf Score On Heavily Fluctuating Crypto Prices
Wildly fluctuating cryptocurrency prices are being blamed for a blowout at Moore Park golf course today. With a handicap of +10, Bryce Jones finished his round 23 strokes over par today. "He spent most of his round looking at his...
