Analysis

Scott Morrison’s Empathy Coach Gets A Pay Rise After Teaching The PM How To Cry

After successfully crying at a press conference today, the Prime Minister has handed his empathy coach James Fitzgibbon a 3.5% pay rise. "James has done some excellent work teaching me method acting and showing me how to shed a tear...
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Andrew Bolt Hosts Panel Discussion With Porter & Pell On Jarryd Hayne Guilty Verdict

Sky News host Andrew Bolt has assembled an all-star cast for a special panel discussion after Jarryd Hayne was found guilty of sexual assault. "This verdict is an absolute joke," Andrew Bolt says in the segment promo. "I believe Jarryd...
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Innovative Man Posts Screenshot Of Weather App To Instagram

Instagram followers of Simon Dooley won’t need to check their weather apps today. The 26 year old has taken the ingenious step of sharing a weather app screen shot to Instagram. “I just thought it would be a useful thing...
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Police Commissioner Calls For Mandatory Filming Of All Sexual Encounters To Ensure Consent

The NSW Police Commissioner says filming all sexual encounters may be the only truly viable way of avoiding legal complications around sexual consent. "Everyone has a mobile phone," says Mick Fuller. "Hold it yourself, or put it on a tripod...
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Police Commissioner Announces Plan To Create Sex Consent Form Within Service NSW App

The NSW Police Commissioner says the Service NSW app is the perfect place to house a sex consent form. "The app has already been instrumental in Covid-19 contact tracing," says Mick Fuller. "We can also now use it to help...
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Point Piper Man Blames His Shocking Golf Score On Heavily Fluctuating Crypto Prices

Wildly fluctuating cryptocurrency prices are being blamed for a blowout at Moore Park golf course today. With a handicap of +10, Bryce Jones finished his round 23 strokes over par today. "He spent most of his round looking at his...
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#BREAKING: United Kingdom Prime Minister Announces Plan to Become A Republic

The U.K. Prime Minister has announced a plan to cut ties with the Monarchy and become a republic. "The time has come to leave our colonial past behind," Boris Johnson announced at a press conference a short time ago. "Think...
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Victorian Premier Wears North Face Hospital Gown To Press Conference

The Victorian Premier has worn a North Face branded hospital gown to his first press conference since being admitted to hospital after a fall on Tuesday. "I'm pleased to announce my brand partnership with North face will continue for the...
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Prince Philip Admits He Was Actually Worried Baby Archie Might Turn Out To Be A ‘Ginger’

The Duke of Edinburgh has moved to clarify comments by Meghan Markle that some members of the Royal family were concerned about the colour of baby Archie's skin. "Yes, there were concerns he'd turn out to be a ginger," the...
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Growing Calls For An Inquiry Into Why Harry Can Leave The Royals, But Australia Can’t

It's the question almost every Australian is asking this morning, 'Why is Australia still part of the British Monarchy?' "I have enough drama in my own life, without worrying about whatever bullshit Meghan Markle is crapping on about today," says...
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