Analysis
Local Angry White Boomer Offended By Coon Cheese Rebrand
A local Anglo Saxon baby boomer is today expressing his disgust over the rebrand of a cheese he's never eaten. It remains unclear exactly how Harry McCormack could get so riled up about the name change, but he's spent a...
‘Banning Trump Is Censorship,’ Says Government Which Tried Stopping ABC Reporting War Crimes
The Federal government is attacking Twitter over censorship claims, despite Canberra's draconian move last year to censor the ABC from reporting war crimes by Australian soldiers. "Generally speaking, I'm not a fan of censorship, but it's OK when the Federal...
Investigators Combing TV Footage Reveal Pauline Hanson Among Alleged Cricket Racists
NSW Police combing through footage of yesterday's SCG crowd have revealed One Nation Leader Pauline Hanson among a group of alleged drunk racists. "Ms Hanson can be seen attempting to hide behind a face mask," says Inspector Warren Leachy. "We...
It’s Easier To Wander Into The US Congress Than To Get Into The Sheaf On A Wednesday Night: Report
Researchers investigating today's brutal riots in Washington D.C have concluded that security is tighter at The Golden Sheaf Hotel in Double Bay on a Wednesday night. "This is a big wake up call for security working to protect US politicians,"...
Sydney Teen With Bad Acne Grateful For New Mandatory Face Mask Ruling
The New South Wales Premier's announcement today of mandatory face masks in shops and public transport comes as a big relief to one young Sydney man. Nineteen year old Tom Ridley suffers with bad facial acne and says his quality...
‘NYE Restrictions Strike The Perfect Balance,’ Says Cricket Fan With Harbour View & Only 5 Friends
A Sydney man is applauding the state government for its 'brave yet effective' implementation of covid restrictions over the new year period. Max Marsh is looking forward to watching tonight's fireworks from the sprawling balcony of his Vaucluse mansion with...
#Breaking: Someone Posted A Status Update Saying ‘It’s Been A Tough Year’
A local Facebook user has shared an insightful status update declaring: '2020: a tough year for everyone.' In what might come as a shock for some people, Henry Tanner's caption detailed the "harsh impacts of Covid felt globally." The rant...
Northern Beaches Family Begins Attempting To Figure Out Christmas Lunch
As if planning Christmas lunch isn't political enough at the best of times. This year a raft of restrictions and a plan to split Sydney into three zones has made Christmas planning a hectic nightmare for many families. The Johnson...
Dan Andrews Hires External Communications Team To Read Hotel Quarantine Inquiry Report
The Victorian Premier has hired an external communications team to read and analyse the 315 page hotel quarantine inquiry report which was tabled in parliament today. "It's a busy time for me leading up to Christmas," says Dan Andrews. "Plus...
Afghan Asylum Seekers Bound For Sydney Turn Back After Reading About Covid Outbreak
A desperate bid to escape poverty, war and oppression in Afghanistan has been cut dramatically short. Around 55 Afghan asylum seekers on a boat bound for Sydney have decided to turn around after hearing about the Northern Beaches covid cluster....
