Analysis
New Report Lists Sydney Airport As Australia’s Most Popular Easter Getaway
SHIT SHOW: Sydney airport has been named as Australia's most popular Easter holiday destination, as chronic staff shortages and a flood of travellers cause heavy delays. "Our report shows many travellers are spending more time at Sydney Airport than their...
Prime Minister Calls Olivia From MAFS To Recommend An Empathy Consultant
HELPING HAND: Australia's Prime Minister has personally reached out to Married At First Sight 'villain' Olivia Frazer. "Hi Olivia, I'm the Prime Minister Scott Morrison, and I think I may be able to help you." he said at the start...
Man Updates His LinkedIn Bio To Include ‘Speaker,’ After Getting A Job In Telemarketing
ALL TALK: A local call centre worker has been accused of severely exaggerating his job description. Last week Tristan Micallef started a new job taking inbound customer service calls at Telstra. His only previous job was a furniture salesman. But...
Will Smith Wins Best Actor Award At The Oscars For His Chris Rock Slapping Performance
SLAPSTICK: Hollywood star Will Smith has capped off a successful night at the Oscars, winning best actor for his Chris Rock slap. "I thought the slapping scene went really well," Smith said in his acceptance speech tonight. "As a film...
Local Satire Writers Frustrated With Ash Barty For Giving Them Zero To Work With
HUMBLE HERO: Tennis ace Ash Barty is causing headaches for satire writers around the country today Months after winning the Australian Open, she's shocked the tennis world by making the decision to retire from the sport at just 25 years...
Sydney Company Bans Small Talk At Work, In Desperate Bid To Lure Staff Back Into The Office
EFFICIENCY GAINS: Workers engaging in small talk at a local law firm face instant dismissal, after the company's CEO implemented a ban on generic office banter. "People are choosing to continue to work from home to avoid unnecessary chit chat...
PM’s Media Team Pre-Screening Flood Victims To Ensure They’ll Agree To Shake His Hand
SET PIECE: Scott Morrison’s media team has adopted a new strategy to avoid awkward on camera exchanges similar to when bushfire victims refused to shake his hand in 2020. As the PM visits flood affected areas of NSW today, his...
#BREAKING: Covid Positive Man Fined For Leaving His Home During Rising Flood Waters
COSTLY EVACUATION: A Sydney man has been fined $1000 for leaving his flooded home while covid positive. Yesterday Graham Flaherty evacuated his house in Sydney's north, as flood waters continued to rise. "I was trying to get my valuables out,...
Sydney Man Calls The SES After Forgetting To Take His Umbrella On A Walk In Hyde Park
DISASTER RELIEF: A Darlinghurst man is calling for urgent help from the State Emergency Service (SES) as rain continues to batter the state. Tom Hooper went for a walk through Hyde Park in Sydney's CBD this afternoon, but was caught...
“Great To Be Back In The Office So We Can Collaborate,” Writes Boss In Email Sent From 5 Metres Away
DBT YEAR IN REVIEW: MARCH 1 OFFICE POLITICS: The boss of a small accounting firm where all work can easily be done remotely has sent an email welcoming staff back into the office. "I've missed being in the same room...
