Analysis

Christian Porter Applauds Jail Sentence Handed Down Against Jarryd Hayne

The federal Minister for Industry, Science and Technology has spoken out about the lengthy jail sentence handed to NRL player Jarryd Hayne. "I know I'm not the attorney-general anymore," says Christian Porter. "However I still believe it's appropriate for me...
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‘Cannabis Is A Gateway Drug To Ice Cream,’ Health Experts Warn

Cannabis' reputation as a gateway drug has been confirmed, after a new report linked it to a dangerous consumption of ice cream. "A puff or two on a joint may seem innocent enough," says health expert Natasha Walters. "But marijuana...
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Sydney Man Trying To Quit Cigarettes Enjoying The Smokey Conditions

Sydneysiders have woken up to another smoke filled day, as hazard reduction burns continue. But there may be an upside. One Sydney former smoker claims now is an excellent time to quit. "I haven't had a cigarette in two weeks,"...
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New Mum Selecting Baby’s Name Based On What’s Available On Instagram Without Underscore

New mother Linsdey Gabrielson is choosing her son's name based on its availability on Instagram. "Originally we had our heart set on the name Jack, but a search of Instagram showed @JackGabrielson was taken," she says. The new mother says...
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Consent Milkshake Video Made By Producers Of 1970’s TV Sitcom ‘Happy Days’

The federal government's new consent video is being slammed for being 'out of touch' and 'ineffective,' and now it's become clear why. It was made by the same production company responsible for the 1970's TV sitcom classic Happy Days. "I...
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Thousands Of Pirated Copies Of ‘Apocalypse Now’ Uncovered In Ben Robert-Smith’s Backyard

Australian Federal Police have launched yet another investigation into Ben Roberts-Smith, after unearthing another potentially incriminating find in his backyard. Police found thousands of pirated copies of the classic war film 'Apocalypse Now' buried in the soil. "We allege the...
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People Wearing Shirts With Large Polo Logos Are Not Necessarily Wealthy: Report

They are known as a sign of power, prestige and pride, worn by those who've achieved greatness and aren't afraid to show it off. But there are fresh doubts over shirts with large Polo logos, with a new report labelling...
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Nation In Crisis: Australians Discover that MAFS Is Not On Tonight

Australian TV viewers have been left in shock today upon discovering the normal MAFS Sunday slugfest is not on tonight. "What the hell?" said one woman. "What do they expect me to do, watch 60 Minutes or something?" The Nine...
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Blackmores Introduce New 2 in 1 Multivitamin + Covid Vaccine

Australian health supplements company Blackmores has begun marketing a new Covid Vaccine alternative. "Taken once daily, our new Multivitamin plus Covid vaccine supplement acts as guaranteed protection against Coronavirus," says Blackmores CEO John Welsh. "It also contains the key vitamins...
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Man Gaining Arm Strength By Forcefully Shaking Protein Drink Bottle

A local gym junkie claims to have gained 2 cm of muscle on his right arm by regularly shaking his protein drink bottle. "I don't drink much of my protein supplement because I don't want the bottle to become too...
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