Analysis
Thousands Of Pirated Copies Of ‘Apocalypse Now’ Uncovered In Ben Robert-Smith’s Backyard
Australian Federal Police have launched yet another investigation into Ben Roberts-Smith, after unearthing another potentially incriminating find in his backyard. Police found thousands of pirated copies of the classic war film 'Apocalypse Now' buried in the soil. "We allege the...
People Wearing Shirts With Large Polo Logos Are Not Necessarily Wealthy: Report
They are known as a sign of power, prestige and pride, worn by those who've achieved greatness and aren't afraid to show it off. But there are fresh doubts over shirts with large Polo logos, with a new report labelling...
Nation In Crisis: Australians Discover that MAFS Is Not On Tonight
Australian TV viewers have been left in shock today upon discovering the normal MAFS Sunday slugfest is not on tonight. "What the hell?" said one woman. "What do they expect me to do, watch 60 Minutes or something?" The Nine...
Blackmores Introduce New 2 in 1 Multivitamin + Covid Vaccine
Australian health supplements company Blackmores has begun marketing a new Covid Vaccine alternative. "Taken once daily, our new Multivitamin plus Covid vaccine supplement acts as guaranteed protection against Coronavirus," says Blackmores CEO John Welsh. "It also contains the key vitamins...
Man Gaining Arm Strength By Forcefully Shaking Protein Drink Bottle
A local gym junkie claims to have gained 2 cm of muscle on his right arm by regularly shaking his protein drink bottle. "I don't drink much of my protein supplement because I don't want the bottle to become too...
Woman’s Facebook Friend Cull Goes Unnoticed, As Everyone Had Already Unfollowed Her
An Adelaide woman has been left shattered after her bid for attention on Facebook failed dismally. Vivian Clearly's Facebook friend cull last week went completely unnoticed, even among those who survived it. "After my cull, I did a status update...
First Wave Of Tourists Arrive On Ibiza As Global Vaccination Continues
Tourism in Ibiza is ramping up as retires begin letting their hair down after a stressful pandemic. After Spain's tourism minister opened up the party island last week to those who've been vaccinated, thousands of elderly people have been flooding...
Eastern Suburbs Nostril & Sinus Clearing Clinics Overwhelmed, As Nightclubs Set To Re-open
The re-opening of nightclubs announced today by the NSW Premier has had an unexpected knock-on effect. Nostril & sinus clearing clinics in Sydney's east have been overwhelmed by party-goers, as they prepare for a return to the dance floor. "The...
Scott Morrison’s Empathy Coach Gets A Pay Rise After Teaching The PM How To Cry
After successfully crying at a press conference today, the Prime Minister has handed his empathy coach James Fitzgibbon a 3.5% pay rise. "James has done some excellent work teaching me method acting and showing me how to shed a tear...
Andrew Bolt Hosts Panel Discussion With Porter & Pell On Jarryd Hayne Guilty Verdict
Sky News host Andrew Bolt has assembled an all-star cast for a special panel discussion after Jarryd Hayne was found guilty of sexual assault. "This verdict is an absolute joke," Andrew Bolt says in the segment promo. "I believe Jarryd...
