Analysis
All ‘Massage Parlours’ Within 5km Radius Of Parliament House To Re-open
Nationals MP Barnaby Joyce is spearheading a policy initiative to re-open all 'massage parlours' within close proximity to parliament house. "Enough is enough," says the former deputy PM. "The Covid-19 crisis has been a very stressful time for policy makers....
Supermarkets Voted Best Place To Socialise During Covid-19
A new report by consumer group Choice has found supermarkets are currently the most popular place to socialise. "Our research shows people are arranging to meet friends at supermarkets, or going there in the hope of bumping into people they...
Richard Branson Gives Sacked Cabin Crew Free Passes To Virgin Active
Billionaire businessman Richard Branson is taking steps to ease the pain being felt by Virgin Australia cabin crew and other staff who have lost their jobs. "We're sad and sorry to see so many staff being made redundant," says Branson....
‘Crowds Here Are Massive Compared To Super Rugby Games’ Admits Raelene Castle At Centrelink
One day after resigning as Rugby Australia CEO, Raelene Castle has begun the arduous task of applying for the federal government's job seeker payment. "I can't believe how many people are here," Castle told a DBT reporter as she entered...
Richard Branson Applies For Federal Government’s JobSeeker Payment
From his private island in the Caribbean, Richard Branson is attempting to apply for the JobSeeker payment on the Centrelink website. "This is so complex," he told DBT. "I've given Centrelink a call but I've been on hold for hours...
Virgin Australia Announces Plan To Move Into Food Home Delivery Business
Administrators for the embattled airline Virgin Australia have tonight announced a plan to move into the food delivery business. "We're delivering airline food trays to households around Australia," says Dean Pemberton, an administrator from Deloitte. "We have several meal packages...
Who Magazine To Change Its Name After ‘Being Embarrassed’ By World Health Organisation (WHO)
Celebrity news and gossip magazine 'Who' will change its name after being embarrassed by the World Health Organisation's response to COVID-19. "The World Health Organisation is an absolute joke," says Who magazine publisher Guy Griffin. "We don't want to risk...
ISIS Announce Immediate Suspension Of All Terrorist Activities, Due To Coronavirus
The Islamic State (ISIS) has announced the suspension of all terror activities in response to COVID-19. "Social distancing has made it too difficult to keep going, so we've decided to close until further notice," says an ISIS spokesperson. "Most of...
Sydney Runners Choosing Busy, High-Visibility Areas Despite COVID-19: Report
A new report shows Sydney runners are consistently breaching social distancing rules by choosing to jog in busy, high-density areas, instead of in spacious parkland. "They're sweating, panting and moving at speed," says report author Percy Fiddington. "And they're not...
MAFS ‘Stars’ Demand Second Season After COVID-19 Stole Their 15 Minutes Of Fame
It's the much-hyped relationship roller coaster ride of love and betrayal, but the stars of the latest season of MAFS want to do it all over again. They're demanding the show be re-shot, "because coronavirus stole our limelight." "COVID-19 totally...
