“Stop Being Such Absolute Battlers” PM Lashes Out At Toilet Paper Hoarders

A fired up Prime Minster has once again lashed out at supermarket shoppers hoarding toilet paper, as fears rise of a second Coronavirus outbreak.

“Seriously, we’ve been though this once already,” says Scott Morrison. “There are no toilet paper supply issues. Stop being such absolute fucking battlers.”

At a press conference late today in Canberra the PM repeated the same sentiment he shared during the first round of toilet paper panic buying in March.

“Everyone please calm the fuck down,” he says. “Australia’s toilet paper supply is mostly made in Australia and there is literally an endless supply.”

Sydney shoppers have begun sharing snaps of empty toilet paper shelves, hot on the heels of similar sights appearing in Melbourne earlier this week.

The PM says anyone caught stockpiling toilet paper will be sent to hospital for a compulsory mental health assessment.

“Hoarding toilet paper will not protect you from Coronavirus,” says Scott Morrison. “Just fucking stop It’s not that hard to understand.”

More to come