Local stoner using Olympics as perfect excuse to sit on the couch and do sweet fuck all for 2.5 weeks

GEARED UP: A Sydney man has begun today feeling very crusty after waking up at 3am to watch the Olympics opening ceremony.

Mark Stanwell says he’s dedicating the next two weeks to doing nothing but cheer on Aussie athletes he’s never heard of, in sports he didn’t know existed.

“I think it’s important that everyone does their bit,” he says. “It’s about national pride.”

With the games set to run till August 11, the local stoner is very well geared up for all the action.

And he remains undeterred by any criticism of his plans.

“Some people might say I’m wasting my time,” he mused. “But I see it as a cultural experience.”

“The Aussie athletes need my support.”

Stanwell – who himself last engaged in physical activity during a 2001 school relay race – says he’s emotionally invested in Australia’s success across every obscure event from canoe slalom to modern pentathlon.

“I may not know what Greco-Roman wrestling is, but if an Aussie is winning it, then it’s as good as me winning!” he says.