Analysis
Wuhan Wet Markets Allowed To Reopen After Vendors Put Up ‘We’re Covid Safe’ Sign
August 1, 2020
Despite international calls for the permanent closure of the Wuhan Wet Markets, the World Health Organisation has given the green light for the market to resume trading. The controversial move follows all market vendors agreeing to put up a 'We're...
New Data Shows Dangerous Spike In Number Of Covid Skeptics
July 27, 2020
The nation's scientists are flagging a dramatic increase in the number of people who think Covid-19 is a scam. "We've seen several new outbreaks," says the CSIRO's Hunter Thomas. "It comes after Melbourne 'Covidiot' Eve Black went viral by...
NSW Police Commissioner Wants Face Masks Banned Due To ‘Security Concerns’
July 20, 2020
The NSW Wales Police Commissioner says he's "deeply concerned" about the rapid take up of face masks to reduce the spread of Covid-19. "I understand, there are potential health benefits, but the masks also trigger very real security concerns," says...
NSW Introverts Applaud New Ban On Dancing, Singing & Mingling At Events
July 17, 2020
Introverts are expressing relief about new social distancing measures introduced today by the NSW government. "We applaud the ban on dancing, singing and mingling at events," says local introvert Gavin Edwards. "They are all very high risk activities." Gavin Edwards...
“Daniel Andrews Is Doing An Excellent Job,” Says China’s President
July 12, 2020
China's President has jumped to the defence of embattled Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews. "Mr Andrews is doing an excellent job," says Xi Jinping through an interpreter. "China's Communist party commends him for his measured and timely response to Covid-19." The...
‘There Is No Coronavirus In Double Bay Is There?’ Ask Golden Sheaf Revellers
July 9, 2020
Residents of Double Bay in Sydney's east say they feel immune to the potentially fatal effects of Covid-19. "I've know there have been thousands of cases in Sydney, but none in any suburbs I've ever heard of," says local man...
Politician Nobody Takes Seriously Banned From TV Show Nobody Watches
July 6, 2020
A poor excuse for a politician has been axed from appearing on a breakfast TV show that nobody watches. Pauline Hanson was banned from The Today Show after she made offensive statements on air about residents trapped in nine Melbourne...
Victorians Given 24 Hours To Scramble Into New South Wales
July 6, 2020
Hundreds of thousands of Victorians have begun a mad rush to cross the border into New South Wales this morning. Traffic around border towns is already building rapidly, only minutes after authorities announced the border between the two states will...
Donald Trump Announces Plan To Become A World Famous Rapper
July 5, 2020
The US President has shocked the world announcing his intention to become a famous rapper. "Think Eminem meets 50c," wrote Donald Trump on Twitter. "I'm going to be bigger than Kanye West." Political analysts say the President's declaration is an...
Queen Spotted Visiting Ghislaine Maxwell’s Prison With Suspicious Looking Rope
July 4, 2020
Queen Elizabeth has been photographed visiting the USA prison where Ghislaine Maxwell is being held after her arrest by the FBI on Thursday. The DBT photographer who took the photo overheard the Queen asking a prison guard which jail cell...
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