Local News

Bondi Beach outdoor gym now rejecting anyone with more than 5% body fat

LEAN & MEAN: Bondi Beach outdoor gym is no longer freely accessible to all members of the public, under new rules announced today by the local council. Before gaining entry, gym goers will be subject to a skinfold caliper test...
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Woolworths introduces $20 entry fee for Sydney stores, as crowds flock to air-conditioned stores

AIR CON: Woolworths shoppers in Sydney are set to pay even more for their groceries today. The supermarket giant has introduced an unprecedented $20 entry fee, as temperatures soar. "We're expecting much bigger crowds than normal today as shoppers escape...
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RENTAL CRISIS WORSENS: Local man now offering to rent out his apartment for two hours while he goes to the Bondi Markets

SHORT-TERM RENTAL: Sydney's rental crisis appears to be escalating, with one Bondi homeowner advertising to rent out his one bedroom unit on an hourly basis. "My sun-filled apartment is available for rent this Sunday while my wife and I go...
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“Wow, I completely forgot we had trains”: Eastern suburbs residents react to news of train strike

ZERO CARE FACTOR: It’s been called the worst shutdown on the rail network in living memory, with millions of passengers facing disruption if it goes ahead on Friday. But news of the impending train strike is causing little concern to...
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Rent money is dead money!” explains owner of $10 million Bondi Beach apartment, purchased by his daddy

OWNER OCCUPIER: As the rental crisis continues, a local man has been attempting to enlighten his friends about Sydney's property market. "Guys if you're still renting, you're literally throwing money down the toilet," Marcus Tanner-Montague said. "Renting prices will always...
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NSW workplace productivity falls to record lows, with employees too busy comparing what seats they had at Coldplay

GENERIC BANTER: The NSW Premier has issued a warning tonight, as workplaces across the state report record-low productivity levels this week. The culprit? Staff are spending large portions of the day comparing and boasting about the seats they had at...
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#BREAKING: Nine Network announce plan to relaunch ‘A Current Affair’ as ‘A Karen Affair’

KAREN AFFAIRS: Channel Nine has announced a major shake-up of its flagship daily current affairs program A Current Affair. From next week, ACA will be known as AKA, or 'A Karen Affair.' "Our show is popular among white, entitled, middle...
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Barry’s Kings Cross now employing a ‘door bitch’ to ensure gym goers are attractive enough

NUMBERS GAME: The Barry's Bootcamp gym in Sydney's Kings Cross has begun turning away clients based on their looks. "Barry's Bootcamp is not just a gym, it's a lifestyle," says gym manager Jay Thomas. "We need to make sure we...
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Paddington woman selling her ticket to tonight’s Olivia Rodrigo concert, after finally realising it’s on in the western suburbs

INCONVENIENT TRUTH: A local woman's long-held dream of seeing Olivia Rodrigo in concert has been dramatically ruined, after she finally realised the event is being held at Qudos Bank Arena at Olympic Park. "I'm a huge Olivia Rodrigo fan," Veronica...
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Eastern suburbs man buys tickets to see Oasis in Melbourne so he doesn’t have to deal with the traffic leaving Olympic Park

OASIS HACK: A Double Bay man is taking the unprecedented step of flying to Melbourne, just to avoid the gridlock traffic whenever there's an event on at Sydney Olympic Park. Paul Watts has purchased tickets for his girlfriend and himself...
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