Local News
WORRYING TREND: NSW Records Alarming Daily Increase In The Number Of Gym Selfies
NEW OUTBREAK: One day after gyms re-opened in NSW experts are already warning about a concerning new outbreak of gym selfies posted to social media. "We were worried this might happen," NSW Premier Dominic Perrottet told reporters today. "Please exercise...
FREEDOM DAY: Punchbowl Man In Red Ferrari Currently Doing Laps Of Double Bay
VROOM VROOM: Double Bay's streets have roared back to life today, with hundreds of expensive sports cars returning to the harbour side suburb after lockdown. "How good is Freedom Day!?" said one Ferrari driver from Punchbowl in Sydney's west. "I...
Traffic, Crowds & Bad Weather: Calls For ‘Freedom Day’ To Be Renamed ‘Punishment Day’
PUNISHMENT DAY: Residents of Greater Sydney have woken to a shocking new report, showing that Freedom Day is the worst possible day to go out. "Traffic gridlock has immediately surpassed pre-lockdown levels, as every single person heads out at the...
“I’m Dying For A Beer At The Pub Today,” Says Man Who’s Been Drunk At Home For The Last 4 Months
THIRSTY WORK: A Sydney man who's spent 95% of lockdown drinking at home says he can't wait to go to the pub today for a Freedom Day beer. "That very first sip is going to taste so good," says Mark...
Local Woman Sells Her Freedom Day Lunch Reservation At ‘Franca Brasserie’ On FB Marketplace
FREEDOM YAY: A Sydney woman has found a new way to profit from unprecedented demand for Sydney restaurant reservations. Two weeks ago Brit Bailey booked a 4 person table for Freedom Day at the popular Potts Point restaurant Franca Brasserie....
Sydney Woman Employs Computer Hackers To Secure Her A Table At Catalina For Freedom Day
FREEDOM DAY HACK: Desperate times call for desperate measures. After three unsuccessful weeks of trying to secure a booking at Catalina on Freedom Day, a Darling Point woman is taking matters into her own hands. "I've hired a team of...
FREEDOM DAY: Local Introvert Forced To Think Of New Excuses To Avoid Social Activity
TOTES AWKS: As Freedom Day approaches, a local introvert is turning his attention to finding new excuses for not socialising. "Saying to my friends; 'sorry, I have to run errands' just hasn't got the same ring to it," says Peter...
#BREAKING: Comedian Jordan Shanks To Replace John Barilaro As NSW Deputy Premier
CAREER PIVOT: YouTube comedian Jordan Shanks has just announced he's moving into politics. Shanks, also known as Friendlyjordies, will step into the role of NSW Deputy Premier, replacing the man he accused of corruption: John Barilaro. "This is an exciting...
NEW FREEDOM: Escort Agencies Now Able To Offer Click & Collect
PENT UP DEMAND: The state government is throwing the escort industry a much needed lifeline, announcing that agencies will be able to offer Click & Collect from Tuesday. "With clients making their selections and paying online, we can reduce the...
University Of New South Wales To Begin Offering ‘Bachelor Of Covid Restrictions’
MORE EXPERTS: The University of NSW will become the world's first tertiary institution to offer classes on Covid restrictions. "Our Bachelor of Covid Restrictions Degree is a new and exciting field of study," says UNSW Dean Of Epidemiology Mark Ernest....
