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#BREAKING: Sydney’s Delta Outbreak Traced Back To Jimmy From The Bachelor

NSW Health contact tracers have identified the 2021 Bachelor Jimmy Nicholson as patient zero for Sydney's Delta outbreak. "Initially we believed it was a Bondi limousine driver, however further contact tracing work shows it was actually Mr Nicholson from The...
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#BREAKING: NSW Government Ends Lockdown After Listening To Protestors

BACK FLIP: The state government has today announced an end to Greater Sydney's lockdown, amid violent scenes at anti-lockdown protests around the country. In a hastily arranged press conference this afternoon, the NSW Premier announced the full withdrawal of all...
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Federal Police Deploy Westpac Rescue Helicopter In Desperate Search For Scott Morrison

A dramatic search and rescue operation is underway as authorities attempt to locate Australia's Prime Minister. Scott Morrison hasn't been seen or heard for six days, despite the country in the grip of the pandemic, and with huge questions over...
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QLD Premier Rules NSW Players Must Always Remain At Least 1.5M Apart During Origin Final

One week out from the State of Origin final, NSW's bid for a series clean sweep has been dealt a potentially lethal blow. Ahead of next Wednesday's match at Stadium Australia, the Queensland Premier has announced that NSW players must...
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Anti Face Mask Activist Now Refusing To Wear Ventilator Mask After Getting Serious Case Of Covid

A dramatic stand off has emerged between a doctor in intensive care and an anti-masker who has now contracted a serious case of Covid-19. Even with extreme difficulty breathing, Phil Wright is refusing to wear a ventilator face mask. "The...
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#BREAKING: Byron Shire Council Announces Travel Bubble With Bondi

SPECIAL EXEMPTION: From next Monday Bondi residents will be allowed to travel to Byron Bay under a new arrangement between the Byron Shire Council and Waverley Council. "The travel bubble is an important way of keeping Byron Bay's economy healthy,"...
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Local Stoner Switches Into Lockdown Mode Without Noticing Any Real Difference

EASY TRANSITION: A Sydney man who is a heavy cannabis user says he's settling into lockdown conditions without any noticeable impact on his normal life. "Yeah luckily for me it doesn't really affect me too much," says Rob Morris. "The...
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#BREAKING: Biloela Family Request Deportation Back To Sri Lanka After Seeing How Boring Perth Is

The Murugappan family have formally volunteered deportation back to Sri Lanka after arriving in Perth, where their young daughter is being treated for a serious illness. "This place is terrible," says father Nades Murugappan. "It's just so fucking boring here."...
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“Did You Really Shit Your Pants At Engadine Maccas?” The Queen Puts Our PM On The Spot

Queen Elizabeth II began her brief meeting with Australia's PM on the sidelines of the G7 summit by asking him the toughest question of all. "As Head of The Commonwealth I feel it my duty to ask you something I'm...
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Palaszczuk Cancels State Of Origin Series, As Queensland Records New Covid Case

The 2021 State of Origin series has come to an abrupt end, after Queensland recorded a new case of Covid-19. "We've been left with no other option but to withdraw from the series," says the Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk. It...
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