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#BREAKING: Harvey Weinstein Hires George Pell’s Legal Team To Fight New Charges
Former Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein has hired George Pell's legal team to fight a new sexual assault charge. "If they can free George Pell, they can do anything," says Weinstein. "I spoke to George, he thinks they are brilliant." Currently...
Young Boy Marks Himself as ‘Safe’ On Facebook After Seeing George Pell In The Street
Concerns for the welfare of a 12 year old Victorian boy have eased this morning, after he marked himself as 'safe' on Facebook. Friends and family of Henry Wilson were reportedly on high alert after he went into Geelong, the...
#BREAKING: Permanent Closure Of Sydney’s Light Rail Network “Due To COVID-19”
Sydney's infamous light rail project has failed to clear its final hurdle; coronavirus. The Premier today announced its immediate and permanent closure. "It's a sad day for Transport NSW," says Gladys Berejiklian. "We're proud of the network we built. It...
#BREAKING: ‘Keep Sydney Open’ Political Party Changes Name To: ‘Keep Sydney Closed’
The Keep Sydney Open political party has announced a dramatic shift in policy focus, and a rebrand. "We're now called the Keep Sydney Closed party," founder Julian Price told DBT exclusively. "We're simply moving with the times." The shift comes...
Tom Hanks Begins Self-Isolation On Deserted Island After Being Diagnosed With Coronavirus
Actor Tom Hanks says he and his wife have begun self-isolation on a deserted island shortly after being diagnosed with coronavirus in Australia. "We just need to rest and repair without infecting anyone else," the 63 year old American told...
Global Share Markets Plunge Amid Fears Of Toilet Paper Shortage
Escalating fears of a toilet paper shortage have sent global sharemarkets into free fall. $140 billion was wiped off the ASX 200 today. "It was the worst day of trading since the GFC," says CommSec's Jason Taverner. "Panic buying of...
#BREAKING: Baboon Trio Escape Again, This Time In Search Of Toilet Paper & Tinned Food
The three baboons that captured our hearts last week are on the run once again. The trio have been spotted inside several Sydney supermarkets today. "I saw them looking disappointed there was no toilet paper left at Coles in Epping,"...
#BREAKING: Gwyneth Paltrow Announces Cure For Coronavirus
American actress and businesswoman Gwyneth Paltrow has announced a breakthrough cure for the deadly Coronavirus. "It's an all natural tonic combining ginger, lemon, turmeric and a few other ingredients I'm not yet willing to divulge," she says. The high profile...
“Sorry, It Was Unintentional,” Says Coles Shopper Who Admits To Underpaying For His Groceries
A self-checkout shopper has apologised to Coles after admitting to underpaying for his groceries. "It wasn't theft," claims homeless man John Thomas. "It was just an honest mistake." It's understood Mr Thomas unintentionally scanned avocados as carrots at the self-checkout,...
Premier Announces Abandoned Opal Tower To Be Used As Coronavirus Quarantine Centre
The NSW state government has announced that the beleaguered Opal Tower at Sydney Olympic Park will be used as a Coronavirus quarantine centre. "Work has begun to transform the building into a state of the art quarantine facility," says Gladys...
