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#BREAKING: Failed Politician Embraces Human Headline In Desperate Bid For Attention
A deluded, attention-seeking billionaire businessman has plunged to new lows today, announcing a partnership with Israel Folau. Clive Palmer has announced his mining company Mineralogy will sponsor Folau’s return to rugby league with a team nobody has ever heard of:...
‘Influencer’ Updates Instagram Bio To ‘News Reporter’ After Posting Selfie Video Outside Ch 7
A local influencer is jumping head first into the news reporting industry. Amber McKinley is filming her own content and posting it as regular news updates on her Instagram account. "Now let's have a quick look at the markets," she...
PM Announces Ban On All Travel From The Maldives, To Prevent Slater Coming Home
Former Australian cricketer Michael Slater has been left stranded overseas after Australia announced a ban on all travel from the Maldives, where Slater is currently located. "Banning travel from overseas is a tough, but important measure," says Scott Morrison. "We...
Facebook Launches Inquiry Into Why So Many Boomers Think Satire Is Real
Facebook's CEO says he's 'concerned' about the growing incidence of baby boomers interpreting satire news as factual information. "Misinformation on the internet is a problem," says Mark Zuckerberg. "But we want to show people over 55 years old that satire...
New Targets: Scott Morrison Pledges To Meet With Brittany Higgins By 2050
At the White House Climate Summit, Australia's Prime Minister has made a new commitment to finally arrange a meeting Brittany Higgins by 2050. "We need to set realistic targets," says Scott Morrison. "These things just don't happen overnight." Mr Morrison...
#BREAKING: Meghan Markle Rejects Invite To Attend Prince Philip’s Funeral Via Zoom
Buckingham Palace officials say they're 'disappointed' Meghan Markle has declined their invite to attend Prince Philip's funeral via Zoom. The Duchess of Sussex is unable to attend the April 17 Windsor Castle service in-person because she's pregnant with her second...
PM Intervenes: Scott Morrison Orders Bryce From MAFS To Undergo Empathy Training
As Federal Parliament continues to erupt with allegations of harassment and abuse against women, the PM has now begun extending disciplinary action outside the Canberra bubble. Scott Morrison has ordered Bryce Ruthven from Married At First Sight to undergo a...
Newly Leaked Photo Shows Queen Using Colour Chart To Assess Baby Archie’s Skin Tone
The Monarchy has been rocked today by the release of a shocking photo in which Queen Elizabeth appears to be comparing baby Archie's skin tone with a colour palate. "She's clearly trying to work out how dark his skin is,"...
#EXCLUSIVE: Christian Porter Claims Alleged Rape Victim May Have Confused Him With Hugh Grant
Attorney-General Christian Porter has made a brave new claim on what might have happened to the alleged rape victim on that fateful night in 1988. "She might have me confused with Hugh Grant," Christian Porter told a DBT journalist while...
#BREAKING: PM Announces Australians Who Still Watch MAFS Will Be Vaccinated Last
With the vaccine roll out starting next week, the Prime Minister has begun talking more about who will be vaccinated, when. "This is a multi-layered approach that's happening in co-ordination with the states," says Scott Morrison. "But people who watch...
